sick of titles
When I visited with Brian yesterday he talked about feeling guilty as a result of the accident. I didn't understand what he was talking about - why would he think any of this is his fault? But now I think I know what he meant, though I wouldn't call it "guilt". I don't really know how to put it into words, except to say that it's just not fair how badly some of us were hurt. I can deal with this and I'll be okay but I don't like that other people are going through the same and worse. It pisses me off that it's going to be so long before Jessie or some of the others can walk or make an attempt at living a normal life.
So now in addition to working on my recovery (which is a full-time job), I also have to think about how badly some of my friends got hurt and I have yet to begin the greiving process. Where do I start? A mind can only wrap itself around so much. It seems like everyone else is currently greiving, but when I think of the accident I'm still only thinking about things like, where was my sweatshirt? and what was I wearing? and how did I get a black eye?
1 comment:
Amy,
I came across your post and just thought I'd share this with you. What your friend Brian is feeling is called Survivor Guilt or survivor's guilt.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt
A lot of times, guys in Iraq will be haunted for years, wondering why the RPG that hit their Humvee killed the guy next to them, and not him.
I hope you feel better, keep pushing yourself in therapy. Remeber: Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body.
-Ceros
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