school: stopit

school: stopit

Well, we're almost to the end of the semester - just a couple weeks left. I only have two finals, but I also have to finish up my incompletes from last semester. I was really stressed by that fact, but now I think I'll be okay. I have to finish my research paper for my independent study, and then tweak it a little bit to make it my music history paper. I have 11 pages written and I'm almost done. Within the past week I have written two papers for my women's studies class, and I have one short research paper left to do, which should be easy because I've already done the research. I'll be so glad when it's over. I think the best part will be that nobody can nag me about it anymore. People seem to have a hard time understanding how difficult it is for me to deal with school right now. If I'm not at some appointment or in class, I'm sleeping. If I'm actually awake and have free time, I usually have too much on my mind to do anything worthwhile (so I do things like writing in my blog).

At least I've been too busy to think much about the fact that I should be graduating in a few weeks. Right now I should be getting ready to move somewhere and go to grad school. Last week someone asked me if I'm all ready to graduate. Apparently she missed the memo that I'm going to be around an extra semester. It sort of hit me then because I hadn't been thinking about it much. If things had only happened a little differently back in October, my biggest worry right now (besides my grandma) would be graduating and all the stuff that entails. Oh well, I guess it's not like I have nothing to look forward to. I'm excited to move into our new place, and I have some neat classes scheduled for next semester.

The past few days have been rough on me. I have a total lack of energy, to the point where it's hard to get out of bed. Also, I've been incredibly achy and stiff. I don't know if it's the weather or what. I've been trying to exercise more but nothing seems to help. It's really hard to walk. Well, harder than usual anyway.

I could go on with complaints but I'll stop there. In lighter news, Raji and I went to a thrift store over the weekend to find him a dresser. We didn't find him a dresser, but we did find me a sweet Kodak camera bag from the 80s. It's bright yellow and says "Kodak Disc Film" on it. It's funny because Kodak hasn't made disc film in like 15 years. Then we had an amazing find: an original 1916 Edison cabinet phonograph. It is in pretty bad shape but it works. It was marked down to $150 but was on sale that day for 50% off, so we bought it. We plan on restoring it (with the help of Stenner) and maybe re-selling it, and I think it will look awesome when we're done. I'll upload some photos once we get around to taking some, but it's not much to look at yet. Anyway, now we have a fun summer project - something else to look forward to.

why hello blogspot

why hello blogspot

I'm so glad this week is pretty much over! I had a lot going on - still recovering from surgery, V-ball, had to do lots of work on my independent study paper, and then I accompanied Kyle G. during the percussion recital yesterday. I was so exhausted for a few days after the ball but I didn't have much time to sleep since I was so busy doing homework and practicing. Anyway, it's good to have the ball and the recital overwith, so now I can concentrate on finishing up my school work.

On Monday I went to Chippewa to watch some 8th graders audition for next school year's marching band. There are some really talented kids coming up, so the auditions went well. It was weird not having G there. I don't think I'll ever get used to him not being around for marching band stuff. After the auditions, Brian talked with Todd and me about inventory - what we have, what needs to be replaced, etc. G used to take care of all that stuff, and kept inventory in his head, so we've been kind of struggling to figure out what we need to order for this season. I think Brian has it all figured out now though.

This season is going to be crazy. We'll have over 200 band members!! We're usually closer to... what... like 180? It will be a very difficult season but it will be rewarding at the same time. Everyone will be so focused and dedicated. Also, we have some new staff members, so that should be fun :)

I think Chi-Hi will be getting a new marimba & vibraphone before the season starts. We just got a new xylo, too. Yay, new things! Brian might sell me one of their vibraphones if he decides to buy a new one. I'm really excited about that. The one I would buy belonged to G before he donated it to the school, and it's the instrument I played for my sophomore year in marching band, so obviously it has sentimental value to me. And I've always wanted vibes - they sound so beautiful.

Brian and I went out for a beer after the auditions and talked about all sorts of stuff. I worry about him. The rest of us are able to find people to talk to whenever we're having a rough time. We're surrounded by people who were affected by the accident. I don't know if Brian really has that. Also, he's only able to work like six hours a week, and I know that must be tough. It was so depressing for me to be sitting in bed at my parents' house for months while everyone else was in school and working and doing normal things like that. Everyone would always joke with me and say it must be nice to have so much time off, but I hated it. Anyway, I want to try and hang out with Brian more.

An update on my grandma: She has lung cancer, which I don't think was a big surprise to any of us. Luckily it's non-small cell cancer, whatever that means, but Eric the med student says that's good. She will begin chemo/radiation soon. I'll be going to Illinois to visit her hopefully within the next few weeks.

In random news, today I had an appointment with an infection specialist. I guess an infection or two showed up in some cultures taken during my surgery, so my ankle doctor put me on antibiotics and sent me to this specialist. My ankle doc thinks the infection might have been a lab contaminant, but he wanted to be cautious. Anyway, I guess my ankle looked pretty icky when they opened it up, so maybe I do have an infection. That would probably explain why it hasn't been healing very well. I have to take antibiotics for like another four weeks, which sucks because they make me kind of dizzy/tired. Oh well, I guess that's better than having an infection.

too busy

too busy

Hey Pokey, here's your update ;)

I've been way too busy. What an awful time to have surgery - right during the rush to get through the end of the semester. I've been sleeping a lot, and going to some classes, and going to lots of appointments with various doctors. My ankle has been feeling okay. This surgery was not as bad as the others, or at least I haven't had any major problems so far (cross your fingers). I used crutches up until Friday, then decided it was time to ditch them because there was no way I was going to bring them to the ball. I probably pushed myself a little too much, and I'm feeling it now, but it was worth it.

Hmm, I have lots of stuff to talk about... I'll get the bad stuff out of the way first. My grandma has been really sick lately. My parents went down to visit her in the hospital this weekend. I don't know exactly what's going on, but it doesn't sound good. She's pushing 80 and she's been a heavy smoker all her life. Dear everyone, don't smoke. Apparently this is the week for hospitalizations/surgeries: my grandma's in the hospital, my uncle spent some time in the hospital and then he went back for surgery, I had my ankle surgery last week, and my brother had his wisdom teeth out a few days ago.

In lighter medical news, I got my new knee brace. It's great - when I wear it, my knee doesn't pop when I walk. I wish it wasn't so bulky, but whatever.

I'm glad V-ball is out of the way, but I'm still stressed out. I'm Kyle's accompanist for a piece on the percussion recital (which is at 5 pm on Wednesday in Gantner and you should come) and I didn't look at the piece much until recently. It's an easy part though so I'm not too worried about it. Life would be a whole lot easier right now if I didn't have unfinished school work from last semester hanging over my head. Everyone keeps asking me how that's going, and then I get depressed. I'd love to just finish it and get it overwith, but I never have any time. I spend so much time sleeping and exercising and working on my classes for this semester. Dr. Don is starting to get impatient with me again, and I had to explain to him that this past week has been really overwhelming since I'm still recovering from surgery. Whatever, I'll add a bunch of stuff to my research paper this week and he'll be happy again.

I'm kind of relieved now that V-ball is over. I was worried that I would be limping a lot and people would stare at me and I'd feel stupid, or I'd get stepped on, or my ankle would give out, or whatever. Luckily nobody stepped on me, and with a lot of effort, I did a pretty good job of walking without a limp. Nothing bad happened, but I did get pretty sore by the end of the second night, and I'll be sore for the next couple days. I'm so glad I did the orchestra gig (playing tympani). I would definitely recommend not taking a tympani gig a week after having ankle surgery, as it makes tuning difficult, but it wasn't too bad. I pushed myself pretty hard to do that gig, but I would have been sad if I hadn't done it. It was my fourth year playing tympani with the orchestra, and I couldn't imagine not playing just because it hurt too much. I've missed out on enough of my life because of my injuries - I wasn't going to let V-ball slip by too.

I think the best part about the ball was hanging out with my date (Ben) and some of the Jazz I guys afterwards. Last night we hung out pretty much until they kicked us out, then we went to Jeff & Jim's (all dressed up, at bar close - whoops), and then we went to a house party at Errin's. It was a blast, and my abs are pretty sore now from laughing so much.

Here are some pictures Raji took of me, all ready to go to the ball (and with some new colors in my hair):




Also, last week I mentioned that I was going to be in the Leader Telegram. The story only ran in the print edition of the paper, but the reporter was nice enough to email the story to my mom. Here it is:

By Chris Vetter
Chippewa Falls News Bureau

Amy Bowen, 23, had another surgery on Thursday, and she will likely have two more surgeries on her injured right leg by the end of the summer.
“I had a metal plate and some screws taken out of my ankle,” Bowen said. “They were bothering me. It will be a relief when it’s healed.”
Bowen returned to her apartment in Eau Claire in mid-February, and she is taking a limited schedule of 9 credits at UW-Eau Claire. Injuries suffered in the bus crash forced her to miss school, and she will now graduate in December rather than this spring.
Bowen said she is happy she is driving again, and she has a handicap sticker for her vehicle.
“It’s a big morale boost,” she said.
Bowen said she was aware that the six-month mark since the crash occurred was coming up.
“If you had told me after the accident that I was still having surgeries this long after the accident, I would have been surprised,” she said.
Bowen’s leg was severely injured in the crash, and a titanium rod was put inside her femur, the bone in the right leg. The next surgery will be to remove the rod, and another surgery later this summer will be to repair her ACL.
“I still have a limp, but it’s getting better,” Bowen said. “I’m getting a kneebrace, and that will help too.”
Amy’s mom, Anne Bowen, said it was good that her daughter is getting around in her car and slowly recovering.
“We’re just trying to get her healthy again,” Anne Bowen said.

six months later

six months later

As you probably know, today marks six months since the accident. I could probably write forever on this topic, and on how my life has changed, but I am only staying awake long enough for the painkillers to kick in. This will probably be a post of random thoughts since I'm tired and on drugs.

Six months. It seems like it's been forever, doesn't it? But as I said in my last post, it doesn't feel like the accident was something that happened six months ago - it's something that continues to affect me in every aspect of my life. At least things are starting to get back to normal I guess. I just can't believe I still have two surgeries to go. I have come so far, though. I overcame a lot, and I am proud of myself for being strong. This has been the most difficult period of my life, and I probably (hopefully) will never have to go through anything like this again.

When you're getting ready to graduate from college, six months is an eternity. You know what I should be doing with my life right now? I should be getting ready to graduate in May, and I should be all set to move somewhere and go to grad school in the fall. I'm angry that my plans had to be postponed, but I know I'm lucky because those opportunities are still in my future.

I sort of lost my train of thought, but here is what's important: you never know when something bad is going to happen. That's such a cliche and I really can't think of a better way to put it into words, but I know you all understand. Today everyone probably thought back to that moment, six months ago, when they found out what happened. I remembered what it was like waking up on that dark bus in the middle of nowhere and just knowing that everything was different. I've learned many tough lessons in the past six months, and the most important is that life is completely unpredictable. It's pointless to have regrets, or to go through life not letting people know how much you appreciate them. So I know this is sappy, but thank you all for being there for me.

five surgeries down, two to go

five surgeries down, two to go

I have the BEST roommate in the world! Yesterday when I came home from surgery, I saw a huge rabbit balloon in my room, a vase of flowers, and my favorite flavor of Jelly Bellys. Ali also made me a card and bought my favorite kind of pie. Yesterday she missed her night class so she could stay home and take care of me. I'm lucky to have such a caring roommate! She's been so helpful through all of this - I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm so glad that I can recover from surgery at my house now instead of at my parents' house. It's much more relaxing here, and it's easier for people to come visit me. Raji has been over a lot to take care of me, and that's cool because he had a hard time visiting me after the other surgeries since I was a half hour away and his work schedule is so weird.

As I said yesterday, surgery went fine. I'm still feeling okay but maybe a little more sore. In my experience with ankle surgeries, it's going to feel just fine for a few days and then will probably hurt like a bitch, so I'm bracing myself and using my painkillers sparingly until then. Hopefully it will be okay though now that the metal is out.

My doctor talked to me a little after the surgery yesterday (and I actually remember the conversation this time). He said that the whole rod will have to come out of my femur in a separate surgery before my ACL can be reconstructed. That's not the news I was hoping to hear, but I guess I'm not surprised. It would suck if they went in to fix the ACL and realized they didn't have enough room with the rod in there. So, it's coming out. It's up to me when I get it out, so I'm guessing I'll have it done the second or third week in June, once I'm settled in my new place. Hopefully I can get the ACL fixed soon after that.

I was interviewed by the Leader-Telegram today - apparently they are checking up on a bunch of the people who were hurt in the accident, as this weekend will mark six months since then. The reporter asked me like 308,629 times if I realized that 6-month mark is coming up. Yes, thanks. He asked me what I thought about how much time has passed or whatever. I don't know if he was expecting me to say "wow, that was a long time ago!" or something, but it's weird to think of it as something that happened once six months ago since it's still affecting everything I do every day. I told him that if someone would have told me back then that I'd still be dealing with surgeries six months later (and then more over the summer), I'd have never believed them. Anyway, it's good they got a hold of me this time, since they didn't try very hard last time. I'm glad the LT and the Herald are still following up on us, unlike those hacks at the Speculator who are always too busy writing about themselves.

Anyway, I hope this post made sense. I'm pretty out of it right now. It's definitely naptime.

post-op

post-op

Surgery went fine. I'm super tired and sore. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because it will probably hurt even more. At least I have painkillers. If you want to come visit, that would be awesome :) Just give me a call first.

Here's the metal that was in my ankle:
Ignore the stupid border. Anyway, the longer screw is about 2" long. It's all a lot smaller than I expected!

dread

dread

I'm really not looking forward to surgery tomorrow.

Please come visit me! Does anyone want to hang out with me like all day tomorrow so my mom doesn't feel the need to hang around my house and fret over me? That would be cool. I'll be coming home sometime tomorrow morning.

pet peeve

pet peeve

It seems like every time I go shopping, and I'm just about to a checkout lane, some soccer mom with a full cart zooms around me to take advantage of the better spot in line. Seriously, I was almost there. I'm not trying to be slow. I know your life is incredibly important and busy, but look, I only have like five items anyway. Don't be an asshole.

a quick update

a quick update

Tonight Raji and I went to see Jessie's dance recital. It was so amazing to her dance after everything she's been through. I can't even put it into words. I know it must have been painful and exhausting for her, but she didn't let it show.

Yesterday I was fitted for a custom knee brace, which I should be receiving in the next week or so. I'm pretty excited about it. Since last weekend, my knee has developed this habit of popping whenever I walk, and it's gotten worse every day. It's getting harder to walk. I can't really explain it. It feels weird when it bends, and it feels like it's going to give out. I called my doc about it and that's why I'm getting the brace. I don't know if it's screwed up because I've been on my feet more lately, or if things are just settling weird. It would definitely help if my ACL wasn't torn. Anyway, the brace should give me a lot more stability.

I've been really exhausted lately. I was starting to get more energy, but now I'm tired all the time again. I spend so much time sleeping now that I never have time to do anything. I can't wait for summer, when I will have so much less to do, and then I won't feel bad about putting things off so I can rest.

I can't wait for the warm weather we should be getting this week. It's been kind of warm lately, but with a chilly breeze that makes me ache. Soon it will be sandal weather! I tried wearing sandals around the house today, and it was hard, but I think I could get used to it. Hopefully walking will be easier after the metal is out of my ankle.

Okay, bedtime.

sorry

sorry

I was just hanging out with Raji and Andrea and we were trying to figure out what all happened during Branden's last hours. We are too young to be having that conversation. Lately I have been having more nightmares (not really about anything important), but sometimes they are more pleasant than reality. Why did this have to happen? Five people are gone. I don't ever want to get on a bus again. Maybe I will change my mind, but how can I get on a bus, on my 24th birthday, and take that same trip? Fuck that.

take me away

take me away

I had an appointment with my ankle doctor yesterday, and we actually got some things sorted out. My knee doctor has been reluctant to set a schedule for my surgeries, or to tell me exactly what needs to happen before my ACL can be fixed. I think he's hesitant to mess with the metal because he's not the one who put it in - my ankle doctor did. Yesterday my ankle doc said the rod can probably stay in my femur and they'll just take the endcap off (and maybe the screws out of my knee) before fixing the ACL. That's good news because it's much less invasive than taking out the whole rod, and they can probably do all that in one surgery. And if getting the rod taken out would feel anything like breaking my femur, I'm pretty sure I'd rather just keep it in.

After looking at my (still open!!) ankle incision, my doctor said he wants to go in and take all that metal out, like ASAP. We scheduled the surgery for the 13th - right before Easter break. I was hoping to wait until June, but my doctor said if that main screw is in much longer, it will break. It's not a big deal if it breaks, and I wouldn't notice the difference, but then I basically would never be able to have it removed, and that would really suck. I have mixed feelings about this surgery. I will be so glad to get it taken out once and for all, but I was planning on using Easter break to get caught up in last semester's school work. I guess I'll just have to find some other time to do it. Also, I'm nervous because the Viennese ball is the next week, and I don't want to be really sore, but my doctor swears that immediately following the surgery I won't need to use crutches at all and I'll be able to wear normal shoes (no walking cast). But he also told me my last surgery wouldn't be a big deal and the recovery ended up being pretty painful. I'm hoping it will just feel better once the metal is gone.

Today I had a short, but good conversation with Dr. Heidel. We talked a little about the Chi-Hi memorial concert (May 13th, 3:00, @ Chi-Hi). He told me he wants to make sure that I get to play on the commissioned piece, and I said I'd like that. If you haven't heard already, Jim Bonney is writing a piece about the accident. I don't know many details about the concert (maybe this is where Andrei can help), but it sounds like UWEC's wind symphony is playing two or three pieces, and some Chi-Hi alums will be joining us on the commissioned piece. Playing on the piece is probably going to be one of the hardest things I'll ever do, but I think it will be therapeutic in a way. It's kind of weird - I don't think many people get the opportunity to play on a piece commissioned for something which directly affected them. This will be a good outlet for me, since words fall short in explaining/describing what happened. Also, since the accident happened on a music trip, and there were so many musicians involved and/or affected, it makes sense to portray it in music form. Anyway, it will be hard, but there is strength in numbers: Sazama and Andrea will be playing too, and basically everyone who will be playing on the piece was affected in some way or another by the accident. I don't know if I worded all that very well, but maybe that proves my point that words fall short in this case.

Yesterday I was putzing around online and came across this article. It's not perfectly written (it's kind of meandering), but it describes the Greenhalgh family that I remember. It made me smile.

evaporated

evaporated

JazzFest has come and gone. I got about a hundred photos that were "keepers" and I had a lot of fun. It was really stressful trying to be there to take pictures at all the important events, but I heard a lot of good music, and I think people were appreciative that I took photos.

Some highlights of the weekend:
- I got to watch Chi-Hi's 10:30 jazz band.
- Nachito Herrera's concerts were AMAZING. I could have listened all day.



- Mr. Baca got a pie in the face.



- Lewis Nash showed up to the jam session at the Shanghai Bistro. Oh, and sushi was half-price, and I bought myself a ridiculously girly drink.



- The night concerts were awesome.
- Last night I went out to Green Mill with Lewis Nash and some of the Jazz I guys.
- The party at "the house" was really fun.
- Other stuff, I don't know, it was all pretty cool.
(click on the photos to see them larger)

Lowlights of the weekend:
- My driveway took off a piece of my car, twice. Whoops. I guess that will have to be fixed tomorrow.
- JazzFest schedules got a little messed up, and Dr. Cunningham was a jerk to Nachito...
- I'm really sore and exhausted.

Despite having a really fun Friday & Saturday, I was a little bummed today. It's probably just that I was really stressed out and now I'm exhausted. I've had a lot on my mind the past couple days. It seems like it's really starting to hit me that G is gone. For the past few days I've sat and listened to music all day, and when there are a lot of things you're trying to not think about, I guess listening to music kind of makes your mind wander sometimes, and all that stuff comes back up to the surface. I didn't word that very well but you probably get what I mean. Anyway, it's been kind of rough. It didn't help that one of the bands in Saturday's concert played Weckl's "Festival de Ritmo". We played that tune when I was a senior at Chi-Hi. It reminds me of our drummer Paul and of G. We spent so many hours working on it. Paul and G both loved that chart. It's weird to think that now they're both gone. I haven't really listened to it since Paul died four years ago, so hearing it again brought back a lot of memories.

It's nice having so many people to talk to. In the past couple of days, a lot of people have talked to me about the accident. It helps knowing that I have the support of so many people.

I realized tonight that I'm a little stressed about my upcoming surgeries. They're still a ways off, but I wish I didn't have them looming over my head. It's hard to think beyond my next surgery because I don't know how long it will take me to recover, and I guess it's hard for me to think that far into the future.

I've learned it's important to not take a single day for granted, but these are trying times. I wish I could take a vacation, but the things I need to get away from would follow me anyway.

"Don't you know I'm numb, man
No I can't feel a thing at all
'Cause it's all smiles and business these days
And I'm indifferent to the loss." - Ben Folds

Sorry for the downer post. There's a percussion ensemble concert tomorrow night at 7:30 in Gantner, and you should come.