busy busy

busy busy

Things I have to in the next month or so:
- take engagement photos for Nicole and Mark
- take photos for Jazzfest
- play piano on five pieces for Wind Symphony (!!)
- play tympani at the Viennese Ball
- accompany Kyle for a piece on his recital
- play a gig or two with the Troppo Big Band
- other stuff I'm forgetting.

This is all stuff I love doing, and I'm pretty pumped for these opportunities. However, it's a lot of stuff all at once. I still have to finish up my three incompletes from last semester. I wish I didn't have those classes hanging over my head, because I want to enjoy all this fun stuff I have coming up. Here is my gameplan: I will finish my incompletes up by the end of Easter break. I have to write four papers. That's one for each day of break. It's a lot of work but I would be so happy to just be DONE.

I've been pushing myself really hard lately, but the harder I push myself, the more rest I need. My typical day consists of going to class or studying for a bit, exercising for an hour, taking a nap, sitting in bed with my foot elevated for a few hours (throughout the day), and sleeping for at least 9 hours. I used to keep myself really busy, and I liked it that way, but I can't handle that yet. I think people kind of forget that I still don't have much energy, and I'm still in pain. But I shouldn't complain. All this upcoming stuff is what I dreamed of doing during those months I was stuck in bed. It may be hard to do everything, but it will be so fulfilling.

I have pretty much decided that I'm going to have the metal taken out of my ankle as soon as possible. June would be a good time because I'll be done with school and I'll be living in my new apartment, which has a bedroom and bathroom on the first floor, so I can recover at home (instead of at my parents' house). My ankle has hurt ever since getting the metal put in and it's just not feeling any better. Every step I take is painful. I don't know if having the metal taken out will help, but it's worth a try. I'm willing to go through the pain and ordeal of another surgery just to have it taken out. I have to say I'm getting pretty sick of doing dressing changes though - my ankle incision is STILL open. blaha09t[a092j4[092j9j5.

In other news, just when I thought my parking problems were done, I got another parking ticket today. I parked in a GF (guaranteed faculty) spot, and got a $20 ticket informing me that my handicap permit isn't valid in those spots. Okay, I realize you have to be fancy-pants in order to park in GF spots. But if my handicap permit doesn't allow me to park there, WHY IN THE FUCK DID THE PEOPLE IN THE PARKING OFFICE TELL ME I CAN???!!!! Employees of the parking office told both my mom and I (on separate occasions) that I can park anywhere except 20-minute meters, loading zones, and fire lanes. I was told that I can park in spots labeled for students, faculty, or guaranteed faculty. I called the head of the parking office today and told her about the ticket and she informed me that I can't park in GF spots. Thanks, that's helpful. I asked her why her employees told me I could park there, and she brushed me off by telling me I can fill out a form to try and appeal the ticket. Every time I have a problem like this it makes me wonder why I am continuing with classes this semester. That may sound overdramatic, but it's so hard for me just to get out of bed and into my classrooms without having to worry about this bullshit.

things

things

Spring break was good. It was so nice to actually have time to relax. It kind of made me wonder why I'm taking so many classes this semester, but whatever, at least I'll graduate someday.

On Friday my parents and I took a little overnight trip to the cities. We hit up IKEA and Mall of America and went to the Dakota jazz club. I used my crutches at IKEA & MOA because I still can't go very long distances without at least one crutch. It's been a while since I've used both crutches, and it reminded me how much I HATED it. I hate not having my hands free to open doors or carry things, and it annoys me how rude people are. When I'm on crutches, people are always staring at me or won't get out of my way. It didn't help that the mall was really crowded, but I found a dress for the ball, so at least it was a worthwhile venture.

The Dakota was really neat. We caught two bands there, including Sean's band. I think they were happy to see a familiar face, but there were actually a lot of people from EC there. I was surprised to see Mr. Baca there, and I was more surprised when he came over and gave me a hug. He said he's been meaning to talk to me for a while but he wanted to wait until I recovered a little more. He asked if he could take me out to lunch sometime, and I was really flattered. He said he wants to hear my account of the accident. Before that I didn't think he even knew my name, and he's kind of a big deal in the music department, so that's pretty cool. I guess it's just another example of how much the music faculty in general cares about the students.

I went to the winterguard dress rehearsal on Sunday and it was really nice. I know Jazzfest is going on this weekend, but if you're going to be in the cities, you should check out the guard. They've put a lot of work into the show and it really looks awesome. Maybe Ali or Amber can give me more detailed info on where/when it is. ;) I don't know if I'll be there because I might be taking photos for Jazzfest...? Can someone please fill me in on the plans for that?

Spring break ended way too soon. I guess I actually got a lot done: I wrote a paper (for one of the classes I took an incomplete in last semester), Ali and I found an apartment for June, and I found a dress and shoes for the ball. Also, I had plenty of time to do my exercises every day. I wish I would have realized the Fine Arts building was open, though - I could have gotten some practicing done.

Today I was reminded why I'm only taking nine credits. I had three classes today, and since I was done by 1:00, I figured I could get some other things done. I ended up having to come home and elevate my foot because I was so sore, and then I was exhausted so I took a long nap. If I'm lucky I'll have enough energy and time to exercise and go to the practice rooms before the night is over.

I feel like my progress has been kind of stagnant lately. My physical therapist and athletic trainers keep telling me how much better I'm getting, but I think my advances have been pretty small lately. I'm trying to push myself more so that I can make more progress. In the past couple days, I've been trying to walk farther without using a crutch, which is hard because I've been so sore. Also, I think I need to set specific short- and long-term goals for myself.

My short-term goals: I want to be able to walk barefoot without crutches, and hopefully soon I won't need to use a crutch around the house. Also, I want to get rid of my limp before the ball. That one's a little harder. I limp because my ankle hurts so much and because my knee doesn't go totally straight yet, and I can't see either of those things getting much better in the next month. I hope it works out though because I'd look pretty stupid limping around in a ballgown.

My long-term goals: I want my stamina and strength to be as good or better than it was before the accident. I used to have the energy to have classes, work, and rehearsals from like 9 in the morning until 11 at night. Right now I'm lucky if I get through the day without taking a nap, but I should get more energy over time. As far as strength goes, before the accident I did some weightlifting several times a week and I used to go biking pretty much every day. I'll be happy when I can do things like that again.

As far as surgeries go, I want to get the metal taken out of my leg in June and maybe I can get my ACL fixed after I graduate in December. My recovery never goes according to plan, but it's nice to dream. I guess one of the life lessons I'm learning is that you can't plan everything. Life doesn't just fit neatly into a two-semester schedule.

I have an appointment with my knee doctor on Thursday. I'm not looking forward to it because I never get any good news about my knee. My knee doesn't fully straighten yet and I don't think it ever will. If my knee doesn't fully straighten, I can't get my ACL fixed. I try not to think about that too much because it's depressing.

I hope I start making greater progress soon, because I am getting frustrated. I want to be a normal 23-year-old again. I know I'm lucky that I'll get pretty much back to normal someday - trust me, nobody understands that as well as I do - but I'm so drained.

If you're wondering, I changed the name on my blog so I'm slightly less searchable. I'm flattered that people want to read up on how I'm doing, but I don't want to put myself out there to the extent that my blog comes up when people Google me.

Random thought: does anyone else think it's weird that the Speculator hasn't touched the bus crash story since it happened? When that football player sustained a brain injury a couple years back, the paper did a few follow-ups on him and they got a pretty good response from it. You'd think they'd do a follow-up or something on the accident since so many students were affected by the accident. But we're in high school, and music geeks aren't as important as football players. Someone should take our student newspaper out back and shoot it already.

It is not 4:19.

PSA

PSA

Chi-Hi has an alumni winterguard for this season, and they're performing on Saturday, 4/1 in the cities (for WGI? or something...). They're also doing three run-throughs of their show on Sunday, 3/26 starting at 11 am at Parkview school in Chippewa. The guard is seeking an audience for their dress rehearsals.

I highly recommend trying to see one of these performances. The alumni guard formed in the weeks following the accident, and since then they've been having long weekly practices to get ready for an exhibition performance.

The show is a tribute to G. For over a decade, G was in charge of the Firebirds Winterguard at Chi-Hi. The tribute show is set to the music of Greenday's "Time of Your Life" and, as I understand it, there will be voiceovers from some of the alumni, talking about what G meant to them. I've tried in this blog to explain why G was such a big influence on me, but words fall short. He was one of my biggest heroes - he taught me how to play percussion, he showed me that music is a worthwhile career, and showed me that you should have fun doing whatever you choose to do. He was the first teacher I had who really believed in his students, and treated them like adults, and challenged them. He was a huge influence on so many people. I'm glad that Chi-Hi's marching band isn't going to do a tribute show next season, but sometimes I kind of wish we were, so I think the guard show will be nice. Sad, but nice.

more spring break

more spring break

I think Ali and I found an apartment!!!!!! We really like it. It's less than I'm paying currently, and it's much closer to campus. Plus, the biggest benefit: there are a bathroom and a bedroom on the first floor, so I don't have to deal with stairs. Yay! It's a really cute place. We have to sign the lease yet, but I think it's pretty much a done deal. It's like two houses down from where Sean & co. will be living, so that's neat.

I got my hair cut today! I'll put a new photo up soon. If you're just tuning in, a large part of my hair was shaved off when I was in the ER in October. I had some bad scalp lacerations from the accident and I needed about two dozen staples. My hair is still pretty short in that area, but my hairstylist was able to kind of blend it in with the rest of my hair, so it's not quite so noticeable. Yay haircut.

I think my ankle is getting infected again. It's still open in one little spot - it must be right over where the big screw is. It's been pretty sore and inflamed. I'll have to keep an eye on it.

Spring break is way too short. I was hoping to get caught up in one of the classes I took an incomplete in last semester. I think I can still do that, though. I don't think I've been wasting my time, I just needed a few days to relax and be myself again. At least I've been kind of productive - I got a haircut and found an apartment. Hopefully I'll find a dress for the Viennese ball before break is over.

spring break

spring break

Yay I'm on spring break! It's going well so far, if a bit uneventful. I've forgotten what it's like to be able to relax, and not worry about what I have to do tomorrow. That is, if I don't think about all my appointments and all the catch-up work I should be doing... I can't wait until summer, when I won't be busy all the time. I was going to take some classes over summer break but now I think I'm just going to hold off on that and stay in school for another semester. That way I won't have to worry about getting health insurance and paying off loans right away. That wasn't going to be an issue since I was planning on going straight to grad school after I graduate, but now I have to wait an extra year because the accident put me so far behind. I wish life would just wait until I can catch up. Summer will be nice because, in theory, I will be "caught up" for a while. It sucks though because I need another couple surgeries. I need my ACL fixed, but first I need part of the rod in my femur to be removed. I'm thinking maybe I can get the rod out in early summer and then wait until winter break to get my ACL fixed, since I have to be all healed before that surgery can be done. I also want the metal out of my ankle, but I decided to wait on that, so maybe that can be done when the rod is taken out.

Ali and I are apartment hunting. I'll be so glad when we have a lease signed and we don't have to worry about it anymore! We found some places that sound promising, so we'll be touring some of them in the next couple days. I really like the duplex we're in now but I need a place that doesn't have stairs, since I'll have a few surgeries to recover from within the next year. We're also hoping to find a place that's a little closer to campus.

Another thing to do over break: find a dress for the Viennese Ball. Every year the university holds a formal Austrian-themed ball, complete with waltzes and wienerschnitzel. I play tympani with the orchestra - this will be my fourth year doing it. Unfortunately I have dropped a couple sizes since I wore my dress last year, so it's time to find a new one. It's kind of a pain having to spend money on it, but I really like dress shopping, so it's okay. Ali and I are trying to plan a couple formal parties, so at least I'll get to wear the dress a few times.

Physical therapy is going pretty well. I've dropped down to two appointments a week instead of three, and now I only work with my therapist or my athletic trainer, instead of half an hour with each. My appointments are really tiring. Today I spent 10 minutes on the stationary bike, then spent five minutes on the stair stepper, then did some ankle stretches, then did some marching with a resistance band around my waist, then ran on a trampoline for two minutes. Yeah, I was tired afterwards.

Sleeping has been going pretty well lately. I'm finally able to sleep on my side!!!!!!!! I am such a side sleeper, but in the weeks following the accident, my leg would ache unbearably after five minutes on either side. After everything I've been through, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, but I couldn't. I thought I'd never be able to sleep on my side again, but now I can do it for a few hours at a time. Also, following the accident, my leg would jerk whenever I was trying to fall asleep and it would hurt a lot, but now that doesn't really happen anymore. I'm probably the only one who cares about all this, but that's okay, I'm just happy that I can sleep on my side again.

Time to sleep - tomorrow's a big day!

st. patty's day

st. patty's day

I know this is last-minute, but if you're around, my roommate and I are hosting a St. Patrick's Day party tonight. Come over anytime after 9, BYOB, we'll provide the Irish food. :)

sick day

sick day

Today I was sick all day. I don't remember the last time I had such a bad cold. My mom took me to the doctor and I got antibiotics. Hopefully I'll start feeling better by tomorrow, since today was pretty bad. I don't have the energy to fight this cold. I think I'm at an elevated risk for pneumonia (since I don't move around a whole lot), so antibiotics are a good thing.

I periodically add links to the right frame over there, and yesterday I added one for Tenley's blog. She's my brother's girlfriend, and she's pretty awesome. She and my brother rushed here from WY after the accident, and Tenley proceeded to cheerfully do all the icky tasks, like cleaning my staples and lifting my leg so I could get in and out of bed. Wow, I don't miss those days! Anyway, she helped me out a lot, so you should check out her blog, because she's neat.

Please keep the kids involved in today's bus/semi accident (in central WI) in your thoughts.

I think that's about it; I'm too tired to write anything else.

snow day

snow day

Today it snowed. A lot. Last night it rained/hailed/whatevered and we had a thunderstorm, and then it turned into pretty heavy snow. I normally like snow but this year I'm getting sick of it. I didn't go to any of my classes today because the roads were really bad. All the area schools were closed (except the university), and the roads in many nearby counties were closed. I was about to go to class anyway because I already missed classes last week due to parking issues and tour. As I've said before, I don't normally miss class. I didn't really have a choice today though. Not only do I have to worry about the driving conditions, but if I were to slip and fall, it would be really bad. I don't think it was too big of a deal though... I can't imagine many people went to class today. I am so sick of winter! This weather makes my whole leg ache.

This afternoon my dad came to pick me up in his big safe truck and took me to my doctor appointment. We didn't really come to a decision about whether or not I should have surgery on my ankle next week. I think I want the metal out, since it's constantly bothering me. I think it's the main reason why I have a limp - it hurts, so I don't let my ankle go through the full range of motion when I walk. So I think eventually I'll have the surgery, but right now I'm fostering a nasty cold and that has to go away before I can have anesthesia.

After I got home from the doctor, Ali came outside to tell us her car was stuck in the mud/snow next to the driveway. Ali, Gina, and my dad tried to get the car out, but to no avail. My dad suggested Ali and I round up our guy friends, and he went home. I called Geoff (who's back in town) and Sean, and they came right over. Sean brought his roommate Pheng, too. They shoveled and pushed the car out while I debated whether or not I had time to grab my camera. I didn't have time, which was too bad because the pictures would have been pretty funny. I did make myself useful by finding the hot chocolate mix, though.

tour and weekend in review

tour and weekend in review

Well, tour was a lot of fun. It's always nice to get away and play a lot of concerts instead of being at school. I was kind of frustrated (see: Wednesday's post) because I felt like I was sort of excluded. It's not that people tried to exclude me, it's just that I couldn't keep up with everyone when we went to Mall of America, and I don't have enough energy to be very exciting. However, a handful of people always went out of their way to make sure I was included in everything, and for that I was really grateful. I'm so glad I got to ride in the equipment van instead of on the bus. When Sazama and I first pulled in to the Fine Arts circle before leaving for tour, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I saw the buses. I don't know why it had that effect on me - I knew they'd be there, and I've certainly seen buses from that company since the accident. I've also noticed I can barely even look at photos people took while on the bus. I think it's just going to take a long time before I'm okay with buses, which sort of defies logic since they're huge vehicles and you'd assume they'd be safe. Whatever.

The tour concert today went really well. I found out today that we wouldn't even be playing both pieces I play on - the other will wait till the next concert. Oh well. I wished I'd been able to play more, but I played piano on Gillingham's "Heroes, Lost and Fallen" and I love that piece. I don't think the audience really got into it, but that's okay. It's like Dr. C said once about Cage's "Third Construction" - some pieces are programmed for the sole enjoyment of the performers.

Yesterday was a nice break from the brisk pace of tour. I basically relaxed at home and did homework all day. Later, Raji and I went out to Water St. to meet up with some of his work friends. Upon seeing the line outside the Pio, we decided against it - I didn't want to be stepped on. Instead we went to Dooley's and ran into Nobu and some members of the CV symphony. We ended up talking about the accident, and Nobu said that we really don't know what day will be our last and so we can't take anything for granted. That's something I've heard a lot since the accident, but somehow it was more profound coming from him. If you know him, you get what I mean.

I have an appointment tomorrow with my ankle surgeon. We're probably going to decide whether or not I should have surgery to remove the metal in my ankle. If it happens, it would probably be during spring break (next week). Oh boy, I can't think of anything I'd rather do for break. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I'm still kind of on the fence about it. On one hand, I don't want to have another surgery on my ankle for as long as I live - it hurts that much. On the other hand, I realized that my ankle has hurt almost constantly every single day since November 1st when the metal was put in. It's not really serving its purpose anymore (it was to anchor my fibula back in place). I guess it would probably be better in the grand scheme of things if I got it out. We'll see what happens.

I can't believe I still need at least two more surgeries before I'm "normal" (one to remove the rod from my femur and one to reconstruct my ACL). I'm doing all this work in physical therapy, and I'm going to be back at square one after I have the ACL surgery. I need to regain full motion in my knee, or as close as it's going to get, before my ACL can be repaired. So once I feel "all better", I'll have surgery and be back to where I am now. I know it'll be nowhere near as bad as it was in those weeks following the accident - I don't think I'll ever experience anything that bad ever again (at least I hope) - but still it's just depressing. It's not that I'm worried about being in pain again, I just want to get back to some semblance of normal life. Everyone else who was hurt is slowly getting better, but I have to get worse before I can get better.

An update on the parking situation: I met with Kim in the parking office, and she was very accomodating. She gave me a permit for the Zorn lot, and they don't take parking there lightly. I need to use a code to get in the gate, and then I need to display the permit on my dash - it says the days and times I can be there and has an expiration date. She offered to have the van come pick me up from there when I have my class in HHH, but I think I can walk that far. We'll see how it goes.

LOUD NOISES

LOUD NOISES

If you're in the area, you should check out UWEC's Symphony Band and Wind Symphony tour concert tomorrow night at 5:00 in Gantner Hall. It's going to be really awesome. The tour concert is always the best because it's designed for a high school audience - so it's meant to entertain people with ADD.

some days...

some days...

...all I want is to be normal again. To not be in the way all the time because I'm so slow. To be able to play more than two pieces on a concert. To be able to keep up to everyone. To be able to walk from here to there. To not be in pain. To be able to get on a coach bus and not think anything of it.

...But it's so much better than it was five months ago. I've come farther than anyone knows. It's hard, though, feeling like everyone around me is moving on with their lives and I'm stuck sometime in October of last year.

parking problems, cont'd

parking problems, cont'd

I am making a note of this mostly just for my records: I skipped my 10:00 class today because I couldn't find a parking spot. This is the third or fourth time I've missed this class for that reason. I drove around the HHH lots from 9:43 - 10:08 and none of the handicap spots opened up.

My options were to park at a 20-minute meter and face up to $20 in tickets (and be late to class), park in a GF spot at the far end of the main lot (and be late to class), or skip. Since the lot was slippery and my ankle is feeling sore and unstable today, I opted to skip. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to resort to that (hence the 25 mins of driving around) because I'm going to miss Wednesday and Friday when I'm on tour. I am so sick of this. Under normal circumstances, I don't skip class. What a fucking waste of my tuition money. I feel like the education I'm paying for isn't available to me because I'm handicapped.

weekend in review

weekend in review

Here's what I have been up to:

My house is clean!!! Raji came over Friday night and helped me clean my bedroom, and it looks great now. I have so much more space. When I moved back in, stuff got piled in my room and I never had the time or energy or physical ability to sift through everything and put it away. Yesterday Ali and I cleaned the rest of the house, and it looks so nice now.

Yesterday Ali and I had a party, and it was awesome! A ton of people came over and I had a really good time. Thank you, everyone who was here! Andrea and I bonded over a bowl of wop and several trays of jello shots... Good times.

Friday I went to the doctor because I could tell my ankle was starting to get infected. It's kind of sad that I'm so used to infections. My doctor is really frustrated with my ankle, and now he wants to go in and take the metal out. I could get it done over spring break. I'm really back and forth on whether I want him to do it or not. I'll list the pros and cons - maybe that will help me decide...

pros:
- it will probably heal up once and for all, since the metal is obviously irritating my skin
- maybe it won't hurt so much anymore
- basically metal sucks, so it would be nice to have it out
- maybe my ankle will look normal again someday
- my ankle will probably be less stiff once I fully recover, since my leg bones would no longer be screwed together

cons:
- ankle surgeries are so painful
- I might end up back where we started: with an incision that won't close & keeps getting infected... that's getting old
- if the incision STILL doesn't close after getting the metal taken out, I'll have to go to Rochester to have another specialist do another surgery
- my ankle might be more instable without the metal, though I shouldn't really need it anymore
- I'll be laid up for a little bit again

Sorry, that little exercise was pretty much for my benefit. I think I'll wait to see if the incision heals up more in the next week or so and then I'll decide.

Tonight I had another rehearsal for the Viennese Ball. It was really tiring. I wonder if I'll be able to swing dance again in time for the ball... or wear heels... probably not. But who knows, it's still seven weeks away.

Today it snowed a lot. It was the really heavy kind of snow, and it made me wish I could go play in the field and build a snowman, but instead the snow just made me achy and crabby. Oh well.

Yesterday I realized that the accident happened about five months ago. That's almost half a year ago. Can you believe it? It doesn't seem like something that happened so long ago, and it's almost weird to talk about it in past-tense, since it's still affecting every aspect of my life. On the CFMA page I found a link to a column about the accident and how it changed all of us for a week in October. The guy who wrote it deserves a lot of credit because he's also the one who's been maintaining the webpage, so I feel bad criticising him, but... A week? Are you kidding me? It's like Renee said in a couple of her posts - there's life before a tragedy and life after, and they are two very different things. For me that's especially true because my life was (and continues to be) interrupted due to the severity of my injuries. But it wasn't as bad as it could have been, and that's something I appreciate every single day. The disparity between my old life and the new gets a little smaller with each new accomplishment, and I'm thankful for that too.

Wow, this post was pretty random. Anyway, thank you everyone who's been reading my blog - I appreciate all the support. :)

free parking

free parking

Welp, I should probably tell the sticker story. I debated whether or not I should put it on here for the world to see because I don't want to drag names through the mud, but I think I want people to hear it anyway.

Yesterday after physical therapy, I went straight to a class in HHH. As usual, there was nowhere to park because there are like 0.0003 handicap parking spots per handicapped person (I made that up but it's probably true). In a fit of desperation, I parked in the lot for the ecumenical religious center, despite the signs that say it's not a university lot. I figured that a handicap spot is a handicap spot, right? In any case, my only options were to park there or skip my class because UWEC's handicap accomodations are woefully inadequate. I figured I might get a ticket or a warning or something, but my car was only going to be there for about an hour.

I came out to my car an hour later and saw something yellow on it. As I got closer, I noticed it was a big fucking sticker on my door that said something about how I shouldn't have parked there, and written on it was some snarky note telling me to not park there ever again. I tried to take the sticker off and only the corners would come off.

Great. I just got this car three days ago and now there's this shit all over it. I met my mom for lunch right afterwards and showed it to her, and she was pissed. She vowed to find whoever did it and give them a piece of her mind.

As it turns out, it was the fucking MINISTER who did it.

First of all: WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????????????????

Secondly: a simple note would have sufficed, he didn't need to vandalize my car.

Well, my mom went in to talk to the guy, and I guess he was a real jerk about it. Apparently he even told my mom that students often steal their grandparents' handicap tags and he figured I'd done that (obviously he didn't see me limp away from my car). You'd think, of all the people in the world, a fucking minister would understand that I was in a horrible accident and now I can't walk very far. He's a man of god - what happened to compassion, and forgiveness, and being non-judgemental? If all else fails, like I said, at least he could have LEFT A NOTE instead of being such an asshole.

My mom came over to help me get the stupid thing off, but we couldn't remove the adhesive even by using rubbing alcohol and scraping at it. We ended up taking it in to a body shop and they had to use some special cleaner on it. The sticker was clearly made for use on a window, not on paint. I told my mom I was going to go in and talk to the minister, but she said she would write an email and so I should leave it up to her.

My mom wrote an email that night and he replied this morning. Surprisingly, he offered to "work something out" if I continue to have problems parking on campus, but I'd rather skip class due to lack of parking spots than deal with him again. He kind of apologized in the email but still was pretty much a jerk. He just didn't seem to understand that one should never, for any reason, put a sticker on the paint of someone else's car.

Anyway, I was really upset by the whole situation. I couldn't believe someone could be such a jerk. I decided to post this story on my blog because it raises a lot of issues. First of all, as I've said, our campus doesn't have nearly enough handicap parking spots. I should mention, though, that the university has a van that drives handicapped people around between classes. I haven't used it yet because I'd rather drive myself to class on my own schedule, but it's nice to know that service is available. Ideally I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not I can find a parking spot. I have a meeting set up with a student senator who is on the committee that deals with parking issues and accessibility, so we'll see what comes out of that. It would be nice if, in the future, people who find themselves in similar situations won't have to worry about parking.

Another aspect that makes this story outrageous is the fact that I'm handicapped. It's not like I was just too lazy to find a spot in a university lot, and so I dumped my car in the religious center lot so I wouldn't have to walk farther and be late for class. I physically can't walk very far. It takes all of my energy to walk from my car to class.

Some days the lack of handicap accessibility on our campus makes me want to go home and cry instead of going to class and dealing with the frustration and humiliation. When I was in the wheelchair, I felt like that pretty much any time I went to a class that wasn't in the fine arts building. Yesterday I felt like that again. I'm starting to feel like that more often again when people don't understand what I'm going through. Last week I didn't do an assignment for my physics class because I was too exhausted and sick because I was going through withdrawal. I asked the professor if it was okay to turn the assignment in late, and he told me he doesn't accept late work. Last week I also had to cancel my weekly appointment with my research advisor for the same reason, and I can tell he's starting to get impatient with me. I feel like people are starting to hold me to higher standards because I'm starting to look pretty much normal again, but what they don't understand is that I'm still in a lot of pain and I'm exhausted. I still need a lot of help, but I know part of it is my own fault - I'm bad at asking for help. But I didn't really want to give my life story to my physics prof just so he'd accept my late assignment. When I was bed-ridden, all I wanted was to be able to look and act "normal" again. Now that I'm almost to that point, people are assuming I am normal again. I don't know if I did a very good job putting all that into words, but whatever. You probably get what I mean.