grrrrr!

grrrrr!

I know I'm supposed to be a hero or something and people expect me to take everything in stride, but dammit, I'm getting frustrated. It's taking so long to recover and life is just going on without me. Everyone keeps asking me when I'll be back at my house in EC, when I'll be back at work, when I'll be able to come over and hang out, when I can play music, etc. Here's your answer: not anytime soon. Once I get a walking cast put on, I have to re-learn how to walk, drive, and use my foot for piano and vibes pedals. My house in EC is just impossible right now because of the staircase. I can't walk yet, let alone go up and down stairs. Even if I had a walking cast on right now and didn't have to worry about pain, my knee is too stiff to do stairs. It's going to take a lot of practice before I can go up and down stairs, and it'll be a while beyond that before my mom is comfortable enough to leave me at my house and trust me to be able to do the stairs without supervision. Even then I won't be independent because I probably still won't be able to drive. I'll still have to stay with my parents for a while because they have to drive me everywhere.

I'm frustrated because I had to drop classes and now I'm going to have to struggle if I want to graduate in May. I want to go back to work. I want to go out for a drink. I want to be able to play music, and to bend my knee, and to sleep on my side. I want people to not have to use the phrases "head injury" and "long road ahead" when they talk about me.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. Going back to school has meant sitting through some unpleasant meetings (read: talking to important people about how injured I am). I know that I'll be stronger as a result of this experience, and I'll be better before I know it, and blah blah blah. And again, I think about what the others are going through, and how much longer it's going to take them to become independent again. And it frustrates me more.

Anyway, my day wasn't really as bad as it sounds. I had music history this morning and then talked with Dr. C for a while. Then my mom and I stopped at my house to pick some stuff up. It was really weird because it's been a month since I've stepped foot in my own house. I guess it was an accomplishment though, because I had to crutch up like four or five stairs to get into the house, and I didn't have too much trouble.

After coming back to Chippewa, my mom and I went to the Leinie's Lodge to replace my sweatshirt that was lost in the accident. I guess it wasn't really lost, it was just declared a biohazard (along with a lot of my other stuff) and probably thrown away. In any case, I'm glad to have a sweatshirt again. I used my crutches instead of the wheelchair to get around the Lodge, which was good exercise, but my foot swelled up and got numb after like three minutes. I'll be happy when my toes don't get huge and purple every time I move. Oh well...

I think tonight will probably get better because Dan is bringing Raji over, so we can all hang out and play videogames or something. And I feel better after venting...