Thursday

Thursday

Collicott had a big get-together at his house tonight, but I opted to not go because I knew it was going to be crowded. I saw him on the news tonight and it looks like he's doing pretty well. One of my friends who visited him earlier in the week said that he wanted to talk quite a bit about the accident. I want to visit him alone (maybe with my brother and Raji) so that I have a chance to talk with him about it. It's one of those discussions that I'm not looking forward to but I know it's gotta happen sometime. Seeing him on the news dredged up lots of feelings and memories that I've only recently buried. Also, I realized again how badly I want to see him - to be able to touch him and know that this is real.

Collicott still has a lot of healing to do, and watching him on the news made me realize how far I've come and how far I've yet to go. My own progress gives me hope, because I know that Collicott and the others will eventually be okay too. But after thinking about it, I realized that it'll never be okay. I still have a lot of healing to do. I'll always have scars on my skin and a bunch of metal in my leg. Nothing will ever bring back G or any of the others. Nothing will make Raji and my other friends un-see the horrible things they witnessed during the accident. But hopefully we will all learn to deal with it and help eachother out, because that's all we can do.

Now that I've been a total downer, I'll talk about what I did today. I went to my first class since the accident - music history at 8 am. Everyone was really helpful and seemed happy to see me. After that I went up to talk to Dr. Crowell and a few other people who gathered around, including some other professors. Say what you will about the people in UWEC's music department, but everyone is really helping me to get through this. All my profs are helping out a lot, and I was surprised to see a couple of them tear up today when they saw me. I talked to a lot of people today and it was really nice to see everyone again, but it tired me out. I think I spent like two hours at school and then I went home and slept for three. I felt pretty queasy for the rest of the day. I don't know if my new meds are making me sick or if it's because I switched off the narcotics. Either way, it sucks and I hope the nausea goes away soon. I miss my appetite.

Tomorrow will be a better day.