heavier things

heavier things

I don't like riding in cars anymore. I wish I didn't have to ride to EC every day for class or appointments. I freak out a little every time the brakes are hit too hard or a yellow light is run or whenever it's snowing or dark. When something about the car ride bothers me, I deal with it the same way I deal with everything else - I stop thinking about it and eventually it goes away. Sometimes when I'm in the car and the weather's bad, I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when we get to wherever we're going. I think it would be hard for me to fall asleep in a moving vehicle though, since that's the last thing I did before the bus accident. I'll be so happy when I can drive myself. I don't know if I'll feel much safer, but I will probably feel more in control of the situation.

Today was long and exhausting, but it wasn't a bad day overall. I went to class using my crutches instead of the wheelchair. It was hard to concentrate on class because the pain in my ankle was pretty bad, but I don't think being in the wheelchair would have helped that. I've just been sore lately because my ankle is getting used to supporting some weight.

I visited with Brian for a while today. It was nice to spend time with hiim again. Talking with him made me start thinking again about things I haven't thought of for a while. (That was an awkward sentence and I don't care.) I'm not going to talk about those things because it's all been said already. Anyway, I kind of feel guilty that I'm thinking about getting my life back to normal sometime in the near future, and in the meantime there are others who were involved in the accident who will be suffering for a long time yet. I know I shouldn't feel guilty because the others are happy to see the recovery I've made, and I think I'm probably a good role model for them as they heal. It's just a weird feeling when you're in the midst of the most difficult time of your life and you know other people you care about are in that same spot. But it brings me hope when I think about how far I've come, and I know the others will come just as far - if not now, then eventually.

When I was at Brian's, he had a few other visitors. One of them said she'd talked to a girl who was riding toward the back of the bus who woke up during the accident. She said it was the weirdest thing - apparently because of the way buses are constructed, in the back of the bus they didn't really feel the impact. It just felt like the bus slowed down and kind of "floated". Because of that and since it was so dark, I guess the people in the back of the bus had no idea what happened. For all they knew, the bus could have just broken down. Isn't that weird? I guess they would have heard the impact, but I don't know what people heard or what they slept through or what they remember. These are the kinds of things I think about when I sit at home all day.

This is kind of a heavy post, so I will end it with something funny. Today I came to the realization that when people become adults, they forget how to make paper snowflakes. You know when you fold a piece of paper and cut some shapes out of it and then open it up and it looks like a snowflake? I think there's some sort of cut-off age when you can no longer make a decent-looking snowflake. Maybe there is an exception if you are a teacher, because someone has to teach kids how to make them. Anyway, I was sitting outside a gas station today while my mom went inside, and I noticed the workers had hung a bunch of paper snowflakes in the window in an attempt to be festive. They were pretty bad. I don't recall seeing real snowflakes shaped like dog bones. The best ones of the bunch were amoeba-shaped things that looked like they'd been attacked with a hole punch during a fit of boredom. My critique is harsh but I don't think my own snowflakes would look any better. I remember sitting at work last year and making some because I was bored, and it was hard! I wasn't happy with any of them and ended up throwing them all away. When I was little, my snowflakes were awesome. Or maybe I was just too young to realize that snowflakes aren't shaped like dog bones or amoebas. Anyway, next time I'll just ask a kid to make some snowflakes for me.

Oh, watch TV 13 tomorrow at 5 or 6.