sweet home chicago
As I write this, I'm in my aunt & uncle's home office, looking at the fishies. It's good to have a change of scenery. We decided to stay an extra day in Illinois, so we're coming home tomorrow. Christmas was good. I got a leather coat, and some clothes, and assorted other things. My parents and I exchanged presents a few days ago. It didn't really feel like Christmas since Dan (my brother) was working in WY and Raji was visiting family in FL. And I didn't get to do any shopping of my own, so it wasn't as much fun. But that's okay. Then we came down to IL to do the big family thing.
It was really good to see everyone. I thought it would be overwhelming answering all the accident questions, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. People found other things to talk with me about, which is what I need. I was getting pretty annoyed with my mom, though - I kept overhearing her talking with everyone about my injuries and everything. I was in the room too; I wish she would have just let me talk instead of talking about me. It made me feel like a little kid. I think all my relatives were expecting me to look a lot worse than I do, because when my mom talks to them on the phone, she emhasises the negatives. Well, I guess it's not her fault. There's just a lot of negative things to talk about. I just wish everyone would focus more on my accomplishments than on my problems. That's what I do.
I've had to recount my story of the accident so many times over the past couple days. I've noticed it's getting a little harder to talk about. It's scary when I think about my memories following the accident, and being in the ER, and all of that stuff. It wasn't scary at the time, but it is now. Isn't that weird? I guess I was just sort of in shock at the time, and I was running on adrenaline. After the accident, I spent so much time talking about it that it that it became routine. And I looked and felt like I'd just been in a traumatic accident. Now that I've made so much progress in my recovery, I've become slightly more separated from what happened and now it's weird to think about it. I don't know if that makes any sense.
Anyway, I think I've gone over the proverbial hill, as far as my recovery goes. It's still going to take a long time before things are back to "normal", but I've gotten to the point where I'm starting to do some normal things again, and I'm experiencing less pain overall. I have more energy now, too. I get frustrated pretty easily though, because I know it's still going to be a while before I can move back to EC or play music or drive a car. And I get irritated when people think I'm weak or need a lot of help. I still am weak and still do need a lot of help, but I don't like to believe it. :)
My surgery is scheduled for Thursday. A knee specialist is going to do it. It's weird because I've never met him and won't get to talk to him about the surgery or what to expect until right before the surgery, but that's because they needed to schedule the surgery ASAP. This surgery should be much less invasive than the others. They're going in with the little camera thing to fix it. The doctor who did my previous surgeries tells me this will be nothing compared to what I've already had done. That's good, because recovering from my last surgery was awful. But it's not like I'm getting another metal plate in my ankle, so I guess I shouldn't worry. I just hope they're able to fix the meniscus in my knee. If not, they'll have to take it out. Then I would have to worry about early onset of arthritis. My doctor tells me my knee is the part of my body that's most likely to have long-term problems as a result of the accident.
Anyway, on to the important stuff: I think I'm going out with some people tomorrow night, so consider this your invitation to join us. This will be my first foray into the bar scene since the accident. I'm hoping we'll be able to go somewhere that isn't crowded, which shouldn't be a problem since it's winter break. I can't really have more than one drink, but that doesn't matter. I just want to get out of the house, and hang out with my friends, and do something "normal".
Well, this meandering post was brought to you by my extreme tiredness. I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas, and I'll be back home tomorrow. :)
3 comments:
Still in Sun Prairie, so I can't go out with you ... :(
But, in regards to your comment about being in shock at the time of the accident and stuff ... In "The Year of Magical Thinking" - a really good book which I think I'm going to post more of on my blog soon - she talks about how about 2 months after her husband died it finally hit her, and she has a good part about how grieving is different than mourning, and how the mourning didn't start until about 2 months later. I know it's not quite the same as what you wrote, but I've noticed that with lots of us - that it's starting to hit us more now that it did initially.
Anyway. I guess I'm a little drunk so I probably don't make much sense. But I hope that my drunk post makes you smile. :-D I'll put up more quotes from that book soon.
Amy,
I can tell you from experience, arthroscopic (is that how you spell it?) surgery isn't bad at all. I had some torn cartiladge/bone removed last winter, and it was an overall positive experience. The recovery will probably involve some sort of lying on a couch with your leg up in the air, but other than that, it's cake. The pain factor is very minimal, and I imagine the drugs they give you won't be anything like the ones you've had...and I was off mine in less than 2 days.
Anyway, Happy Holidays and such, and good luck with the surgery!
-Pat
I concur with Andrei. I was told by many, that starting around 2 months after something like this is when it starts to really hit you. I'm going through it too. I wish I were there to have gone out with you, but maybe I'll get to see you on NYE cuz that would be awesome if you can make it to the house. Good luck with the surgery. I'll be thinking about you as always.
Lots of love,
Andrea
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