anniversary and PT

anniversary and PT

The one year anniversary came and went. I thought it would be just like any other day, but it hit me harder than I thought it would. I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided it wasn't good for me to sit home alone, so I went to the fine arts building to look for friends. It was kind of weird because I didn't see many people I recognized. I ran into a few people but then I didn't feel like talking. I think I was worried I'd break down, but I don't know why I was so worried - it would have been totally okay if I did. Anyway, after that I decided to go shopping, and that made me feel a little better. At least it got my mind off things for a little bit.

I felt a little overwhelmed on Monday with everyone talking about the accident (and then seeing it all over the media). It made me realize that, except for that one day, a lot of people don't talk about it much anymore. I hope it's because they're dealing with it well, and not because it's our social custom to not dwell on bad things for too long. Maybe it's some of both.

I have a feeling Saturday will be hard, too. When a reporter interviewed me a couple of weeks ago, he brought it up: Saturday will probably be more like the "one-year mark" than the 16th was, because we'll be at the same marching band competition we were at that night last year. I hadn't thought of it that way, but as soon as he said it, I knew he was probably right. I think it will be okay for me personally because I do better when I'm in large groups of people. But I know it will be a difficult day for a lot of people. In any case, it's been a long week and I'll be glad to have it behind me.

Thank you again for all the visits to my blog and all the messages and stuff. It's nice to know people are thinking of me - and I'm thinking of all of you, too.

Things on the physical therapy front are going so-so. My knee is recovering well from the ACL graft. Now my therapist and athletic trainers are beginning to focus more on my ankle. It's really stiff and sore. I have a lot of trouble with stairs - I still can't walk up and down them normally (wow, it's been over a year since I've been able to do that). I think the PT staff just started to notice how limited my ankle motion is. My knee has always been the top priority, and my doctors/therapists/trainers knew the ankle motion would come with time and normal use. Now it's getting to the point where my ankle motion (or lack thereof) is limiting my knee motion, so it's time to work on that. My therapist has started using a technique called "manual joint mobilization", which I'm pretty sure is synonymous with "hell". Basically he pushes and pulls on my foot. It hurts so much, and I feel like my ankle is too messed up for anything to help. I guess it will probably get better, but it's going to take a long, long time. Hopefully PT will be a distant memory by the time we hit the two-year mark.