rant

rant

Today is a bad pain day, so I apologize for what will probably be a crabby post. My ankle hurts so much. I'm trying to not take very many painkillers, but I'm barely keeping the pain under control. I feel like a wimp for complaining so much about last week's tiny ankle surgery. It's really annoying, though - I have so many stitches in my ankle that it feels like it's ripping open every time I take a step. Unfortunately, stitches do not flex like skin does.

People, please stop asking me about my future. I don't know when I'm moving back home, and I don't know when I'm graduating, or when/where I'm going to grad school. I am just trying to get through today. It's depressing to think about things I can't do yet. My body hasn't provided me with a timeline for my recovery, so I have no idea when I'll be "better".

I talked to C on the phone today and it sounds like he's really making some good progress. He's using a cane now! It makes me feel so good to see him and Jessie and the others getting better, but I can't help but feel like they're progressing and I'm not. Brian and I had a lot of the same leg injuries, so we check in with eachother from time to time to compare progress. He's always had better knee motion than me, but now he's also able to walk with a cane instead of crutches. I guess I probably had more injuries in my leg than he did. I just feel like I'm working so hard and I'm not getting anywhere. But I bet Brian feels the same way when he sees my progress. He had so many upper-body injuries, and it will take a long time yet before he's able to do some of the things I'm able to do.

Today my human nutrition class met for the first time. It's in a crowded room that's typical of the science building - a normal-sized room with like a hundred seats crammed in. I got there a couple minutes late and of course almost every seat in the room was taken. The prof (who seems very nice, by the way) asked if anyone would be willing to give me an aisle seat. After enough time passed that it became uncomfortable, and I think I heard a cricket chirp, finally a girl toward the back of the room offered me her seat. What the fuck is wrong with people??? Why was that so hard? I thought the midwest was supposed to be a nice place to live, where everyone wants to help eachother out. I thought college students were supposed to be endlessly promoting one cause or another, to show how much they care about stuff. But in practice, people do not give a fuck. Is it really so hard to move to a different seat?

Trying to get around campus on crutches is so frustrating. Sometimes I just want to give up. Most of the doors in the buildings don't have the handicap button that makes them open. The elevator in the fine arts building, which is already known for its quirkiness, has learned a new trick: it stays on the second floor with its doors open, and then it won't come down to the first floor when you push the call button. I mentioned it to Crawford, so he said he would talk to the elevator fixer people about it. Someone should just take that elevator out back and shoot it.

I had my audition today. It was audition-y. I was pretty out of it, so I'm glad that Dr. C knows I don't usually play that badly. I've been pretty zoned out most of the time lately. I hate having to take painkillers. Anyway, I think it's already been decided that I'll play piano and some extra percussion stuff in wind symphony, so the audition wasn't all that important.

Okay, I'm done bitching. Sorry for the crabby post.