just a quick update

I guess it's been a while since I posted. I was busy with life, and then I started a few posts but never finished. I've had, I think, three surgeries since I last posted. Maybe I'll write about those at some point, but we'll see if I get around to it.

I've been reflecting lately about the ways in which I've been feeling better over time and ways in which that's not really the case. I figured I'd jot some of these things down.

I have noticed that, since my previous two knee surgeries, some sharp pains that I had been feeling on the outside of my knee are not so bad. They're not entirely gone, but these days it's more of a consistent dull ache, which is usually better than sharp pains. A similar thing happened in my ankle, where some sharp pains on the outside of my ankle are happening less frequently since surgery last fall.

Unfortunately, though, there's worsening pain in other parts of my ankle, which seems to be caused by arthritis. My ankle doc ordered some tests recently and said I have fairly bad arthritis in my subtalar joint, and some arthritis in my ankle joint. He wants to fuse my subtalar joint, which is the joint that deals with side-to-side rotation like you'd use when walking on uneven surfaces. I don't feel like going into much detail on the surgery, but basically it just gets rid of the problematic joint by fusing the bones together. I'd probably have less pain, but I'd lose the functionality of that joint. I'm going to meet with him to talk about the surgery, but I'm not sure yet if I'm ready to do it. I think it's something I'll put on the back burner for a while. He's probably right that it would help with the pain, but it would be a big change.

Another fairly recent development is the trouble I'm having when getting out of my car if I don't have much room to open my door. My knee doesn't like moving the way I need it to in order to get out. I have a temporary handicap parking placard, but I'm looking into getting a permanent one.

I'm still able to walk around for a while, but I've found myself getting more and more sore and stiff the next day, especially from that subtalar joint. It's actually been kind of a problem lately because I usually feel kind of okay when I'm walking around, but the pain doesn't really hit until I wake up the next day, so it's hard to tell when I'm overdoing it. When I know I'll be walking around a lot, I usually have to plan to rest the next day. I've started using a cane sometimes lately (which involves a lot of pride-swallowing), especially if I know I'll be on my feet a lot. Lately, the next day after I've been on my feet a lot, I almost always have to use a cane or crutches just to get around my apartment.

It always bums me out that people have to take my level of ability into account when planning activities. Most people in Seattle are very active, so it's hard not being able to join friends when everyone is going for a long hike, going skiing, or going to the trampoline or trapeze gyms (yes, we have those).

When I see people from back home, most of them don't ask anymore how I'm feeling. I think sometimes people can't tell by looking at me that I'm in pain, especially since the worst of it doesn't hit until the following day. When I've had a recent surgery, a lot of people ask if this is the "last one". They mean well when they ask, but I've grown really weary of answering that question. I know people who care about me are uncomfortable with the fact that I'm in pain, so they want to know when that will end. I feel like I need to give them an uplifting answer to ease their discomfort with the situation, and I don't like being a downer, but there's not much I can say. It's always awkward to try and explain that there was an extensive amount of irreversible damage done by the accident, and unfortunately there's no complete "fix". Painkillers do help, and fortunately these days I regularly see a pain management doc who has been a lot of help in figuring out a medication regimen that helps me a bit.

Okay, I need to stop before I make myself depressed. Lest I sound like a downer, I should mention that there are a lot of happy things going on in my life right now, so it definitely isn't all bad. :)

blah

Here is the long-awaited surgery update, for the two or three of you who were keeping track at home.

After seeing the ankle doc today, everything was made sort-of official: I'm going to have knee AND ankle surgery sometime in the next few months. My knee doc wants to do a cartilage transplant because I have a hole in my knee cartilage. The hole is behind my kneecap, so when I do anything that requires my knee to be bent around 90 degrees or so (like climbing stairs, or sitting/sleeping comfortably), I feel a lot of pressure and pain back there. The doc wants to fill in the hole with donor tissue, which would hopefully bring the cartilage surface back to a somewhat normal state.

While he's in there, he wants to do a meniscus transplant, because most of my meniscus on one side of the knee has had to be trimmed away. A quick (and hopefully somewhat accurate) anatomy lesson: the meniscus in the knee acts as padding between the leg bones, and it absorbs shock. When the meniscus gets torn, the easiest way to "fix" it is to trim away the injured part. The tissue doesn't have very good blood supply, so it usually can't heal on its own. After it's been trimmed, though, it's usually somewhat protected from further injury. Unfortunately, if you've had a large portion of the tissue trimmed, you're left without much padding in that spot, and it's susceptible to more injury. That's the situation I'm in now with my meniscus. There are some new-ish techniques to put some new padding in there, including a meniscus transplant. This is sort of like the cartilage procedure - my doc would put cadaver tissue in that spot and, if all goes well, it'll become my new meniscus.

As I mentioned, I saw my new ankle doc today (my last one moved away, so I was referred to this doc). Though my ankle surgery last year seemed to help, I still have a lot of pain and stiffness in the joint. Last year's surgery was done to address a cartilage hole, similar to the issue I'm having with my knee. During surgery, my doc poked some holes in the surrounding tissue in the hopes that scar tissue would fill in that spot and make a new cartilage-like surface. According to my new doc, it looks on the diagnostic images like the surgery helped, but there are still holes in the cartilage. The next option is to do the same thing that I'm having done in the knee - have donor tissue put in there to fill in the hole. Interestingly, the doc also noticed something that my other doctors haven't mentioned - I have some bone chips in the joint. My doc pushed on two specific spots, asked if they were tender (yes), and showed me on the MRI images that there are bone chips resting in those spots. That makes a lot of sense. I guess that "crunchy" feeling wasn't just the arthritis. During surgery, he should be able to clean up those areas.

So those are the three procedures that need to be done. They need to be done all at once, because the doctors would be using the same donor tissue, and the tissue has a short "shelf life". The surgery will probably help alleviate a lot of pain, but there's no guarantee that it will. If I don't have the surgery, though, my knee and ankle are not going to just feel better on their own. The tissue would continue to degenerate, and eventually I would need the joints replaced. I'll probably need the joints replaced even if I do have this surgery done, but it won't need to happen so soon.

I've had some fairly big surgeries so far, but this one will be major in comparison to the others. Rehab is going to take a very long time, and some of my academic work may end up being put on hold for a bit. I'm so frustrated that I need to go through this again. I don't think words can express how sick I am of having surgery. I'm lucky to be doing as well as I am despite the severity of my injuries, but seriously, I wish I could just take a break from it all.

Anyway. It's 10/16 again. Where did four years go? I wish I had something eloquent to say about it, but I really don't. Instead, I'll just say this: I miss them, and it isn't fair.

I'm thinking of everyone else who's having a hard day today. Hope you get through it and are able to remember all the good times. :)

more of the same

I need to have another surgery. I'm still mulling over what my doc said, and I'm waiting to meet with two other doctors to hear their opinions. When I have all the info, I'll post a longer entry. I will say this, though: while I was expecting that I'd need further surgery at some point, I didn't expect it would have to be so soon. And so extensive. To say I'm unhappy about it would be an understatement.

My balcony, on the other hand, makes me happy.

we are all on drugs

Last month, I went to see a pain management doc to help me figure out a tenable long-term plan for dealing with my chronic ankle & knee pain. My knee doc suggested I see this doc, and I thought it might not be a bad idea. I'm so tired of being in pain all the time. The pain doc had quite a few treatment suggestions, most of which I hadn't tried yet.

My new drug regimen consists of taking a muscle relaxant nightly, taking a nerve pain medication three times a day, using a topical medicated gel four times a day, and still using narcotics as needed. As you can probably expect, I'm feeling pretty drugged up. All of these medications (with the exception of the gel) cause drowsiness and dizziness. The muscle relaxants and the nerve medication have taken some time to get used to. The muscle relaxants pretty much turn me into a zombie. The nerve medication is really strange. It basically makes me feel like I have restless leg syndrome, but in my shoulders. It also tends to make me feel a little spacey. My doctor had me take one a day for a week, then two, and now I'm up to three, so my body has had time to adjust.

I'm glad I went to see the pain doc over the summer, so I have time to get used to the new medications. I'm worried, though, that I won't get over the spaciness/dizziness before school starts next month. I've been taking narcotic painkillers regularly since the accident, which has always made me feel like I'm at a disadvantage compared to the other people in my classes since I'm in a fog all the time. When I speak up during seminars, I tend to feel like everything I'm saying is complete drivel, and then I get self-conscious about it, and I lose my train of thought. I have trouble concentrating on articles I have to read and on class discussions. Teaching is hard, too, because I always have to be on top of everything. But it's not like I can just ask grad school to take it easy on me because I'm on drugs, so I just buck up and deal with it. I can't imagine the spaciness is going to be any better now that I'm on additional medications. The new drugs do seem to be helping, so I don't want to make any changes right now. It's kind of catch-22 because I have a lot of trouble concentrating on school when I'm in pain, but the pain meds also make it hard to concentrate. C'est la vie. At least when I'm on the meds, the pain isn't quite as bad.

Anyway, life otherwise has been pretty good. August has been very busy. AV and I moved into an awesome new apartment. We were living in a house that was too big for just the two of us, so we downsized to a place that suits us better. The new place doesn't have much storage space, so unpacking has been an interesting challenge, but we'll get it sorted out. The view & location make up for the lack of storage.

After moving, two of my good friends from back home came to visit. It was really fun showing them around the city. Then I had a relaxing week-long trip back home. See Facebook for photos...

Here's one from my apartment:

been a while since i rapped at ya

(Jim Anchower, anyone?)

Not sure if anyone still reads this, but whatev.

So... like most students, I'm searching for a summer job, and having a tough time finding any work in our current economic state. Due to my ankle & knee problems, I'm restricting my job search to office work or anything else that doesn't require me to spend much time on my feet. Unfortunately, I have no experience working in an office. All of my high school and college jobs involved retail sales and customer service. I have most of the skills required to work in an office, and I'm sure I could pick up the rest quickly, but that doesn't matter. My BA and the work I've done toward my MA also don't matter. With so many people searching for jobs right now, my resume is quickly passed over in favor of applicants with experience.

After applying to dozens of jobs in the past month, I finally got an interview today. The interview was for a "greeter" job at a fitness club. This is a position for which I'm qualified: I have years of experience in customer service, and I know quite a bit about gyms. I think I could handle this. The interview went well, and I was pretty sure I would be considered for the job, until it came to the part where I ask questions. I mentioned that when I walked in, I noticed the greeter was standing up behind the desk. I told the interviewers that I have a bad knee and ankle, and asked whether I'd be able to sit while working. They said no, that this is a job that needs to be done while standing. I asked whether accommodations could be made in my case, such as having a stool behind the front desk so I could sit for a few minutes here and there. They mumbled "maybe", but by that point, something had changed in their demeanor. They were slightly cold to me then, and gave me the "don't call us, we'll call you" schtick and saw me out the door.

Assuming I won't get the call, I'm back to the drawing board, and incredibly frustrated. I finally got an interview for a job that I thought I could do, but as it turns out, I can't because of my ankle and knee.

I find that it's hard to explain to people how I'm feeling and why it limits me. Perhaps there were different magic words that I could have said - words that would have made the interviewers understand that this really is an issue, not just an unwillingness on my part to be a hard worker. I think I'm kind of in this no man's land between being able-bodied and being visibly disabled. Everyone likes to think of themselves as being sensitive to people with disabilities. We open doors for people in wheelchairs, or carry things for people who use canes, etc. People don't seem to realize, though, that not every disability is obvious. If you're not visibly disabled, you're assumed to be able-bodied, and you're expected to work hard. Our society values people who pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and wait tables to work their way through med school or whatever. Nobody wants to listen to a co-worker (or an interviewee, for that matter) say they can't stand for long periods of time because they have a bum knee/ankle. Everyone has a bum knee, right? How do I explain this is different? Instead of saying "I can't stand for long periods of time because I have a bad knee and ankle," I could say: "I can't stand for long periods of time because I was in a bad accident and had nine surgeries and I still go to physical therapy regularly and I take painkillers every day." But I don't want to, and I shouldn't have to. Or maybe I do have to. I don't know.

Anyway, rant over. I have an appointment in a couple of weeks with a pain management doc, so hopefully that will help me to deal with things from a different perspective. As far as the summer job search goes, hopefully I'll find something soon, and then the summer will be over and it won't matter anymore (until next summer). For the school year, I'm lucky enough to have funding, which is really exciting. I'll be teaching intro music theory courses to freshmen (or maybe sophomores, I haven't heard yet). I had a lot of fun when I was a TA a couple of quarters ago.

I suppose things have happened since I last posted. I traveled a lot last quarter and I'm continuing to recover from the knee surgery. Haven't finished my MA yet, but hopefully by December. Danley got married in June - photos on Facebook. AV and I are thinking about moving to a smaller place, maybe downtown, maybe with a view! We'll see.

Okay, gotta go.

okay, it's been a while

I think I mentioned in my last couple of posts that my knee had been acting up. Well, that flare-up never really ended, and it got to the point where the pain was keeping me up at night. My doc tried a series of injections with a drug meant to lubricate the joint, but that didn't seem to help. My knee actually began popping more frequently (and painfully) after the injections. After exhausting all my other options, I ended up having surgery.

It's been three days since the surgery, and it's not feeling too bad right now. I can even walk on it already. My doc has prescribed a very aggressive rehab schedule - 8-12 hours a day on a CPM (or, as I call it, the leg-bendy machine), physical therapy 5 days a week (starting tomorrow), and 30 mins/day on the exercise bike (also starting tomorrow). My doc fixes up all the Seahawks, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he expects his patients to spend lots of time doing rehab.

Prior to surgery, my doc wasn't totally sure what he would see in my joint. The affected area was mostly behind my kneecap, which is a notoriously difficult area to see on MRIs and X-rays. During surgery, my doc found the cartilage behind my kneecap to have a few tears, which he expected. He smoothed it out, but evidently he had to walk a thin line - he didn't want to trim away too much, because I'm running a little low on healthy cartilage at this point. He also found and trimmed a few minor meniscus tears (on both sides of the knee, if I understood him correctly). The biggest problem he found was a layer of unhealthy tissue over the hole on the bottom of my femur where the rod went in (to fix my femur fracture). I had the rod removed back in 2006, but the hole never healed properly. The tissue that had formed was covering just the bottom of the bone. It was really soft and started flaking away when the doc touched it. Left to its own devices, the tissue would probably flake off into the joint (and it might have started doing that already). The doc cleaned out the bad tissue and had to make a quick decision to plug the bone with a cadaver bone graft. Luckily the plug went in a part of the bone that doesn't bear weight, so like I said, I can walk on it already.

So anyway, that was surgery. One of my physical therapists observed the surgery, which is pretty cool. I haven't talked to her yet, but I'm sure she'll have lots to tell me.

My parents and one of my uncles came for a few days to help me out. We went to the Mariners game the night before my surgery (minus my uncle, who hadn't arrived yet). The Mariners actually won! And we saw Ken Griffey, Jr. hit his 400th home run with the Mariners. Pretty sweet.

Everyone left this morning, and now it's back to school. I have a weird schedule this quarter. I just realized week four of the quarter starts tomorrow, which means the quarter is almost half done already. I'm in one seminar and in percussion ensemble, and I'm taking thesis credits. I only have to be on campus two days a week, at most. I missed a rehearsal due to surgery, and I'll probably miss the one this week, but I won't miss any seminar meetings. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish my thesis stuff by the end of the quarter, so I might not finish my masters until December. That's not really a big deal, since I'm planning on staying at UW for my PhD. It would be nice to get everything wrapped up soon, but right now rehab is more important.

Since I'm finally writing on here, I should post some Cabo photos. I went on vacation a couple weeks ago with the boyfriend, his family, and some friends. Here are some photos (the rest are on Facebook). :)

two posts in four days? what?

Time for a shameless plug: I just finished working on my new website and launched it. Now I feel like I accomplished something over winter break. Check it out: http://www.amybowen.net

I started a new post for the shameless plug, but I suppose I might as well write a little more as long as I'm here. I just started teaching today. I'm teaching first-year sight singing on Tuesdays and dictation on Thursdays. There are two other TAs for the class - they both teach written and aural theory, but I just have a bunch of sections of aural theory.

It's kind of weird to be a TA for a class that I took with a prof when I was an undergrad. UWEC didn't seem to have many TAs, since they don't have many graduate departments. I only encountered TAs in some of the bigger departments (like history). They were usually undergrads also, and they only led study sessions. At UW, the professor teaches one big section of written theory, and then the prof and the TAs all teach smaller sections of written & aural theory. The students have class with the prof once a week and with the TAs all the other days. It's a lot different than what I'm used to, but after three hours of teaching this morning, I think I'm getting the hang of it. I'm also losing my voice. Three straight hours of teaching and singing is a little rough on the voice.

I might post again after my knee doc appointment tomorrow. I have free time this week, which is kind of weird, but that will change soon...

P.S. I added a couple new links over there. ----------------------->

kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town

I got back to Seattle today, and other than the garbage cans on my curb that have not been picked up in three weeks, the snow storms of a couple weeks ago have been all but forgotten. Well, except for everyone pressuring the city to buy more snowplows, and the battles between everyone and the environmentalists about road salt, but those are stories for another day. Or not...

For now, let me back up a little. Amidst the blur of a week that ended last quarter and consisted of lots of Christmas shopping and packing, I had a follow-up appointment with my ankle doc. I was glad to have a chance to talk to him about the slow rate of progress I'd been experiencing. I wanted to ask him if this recovery rate was normal, and if I should be more aggressive with my transition from the aircast to shoes. The last time I'd seen him, he said I would probably be wearing regular shoes and driving within three or four weeks from that appointment. I figured it would be even quicker than that since I tend to push myself when it comes to recovery. My recent appointment was about seven weeks after the last appointment, and I was still wearing my boot most of the time. I'm still not driving. The doc reminded me that this was a big surgery, and I have other stuff going on in my ankle (like arthritis) that makes it difficult for me to recover quickly. In response to my question of whether or not I should be more aggressive, his answer was simply, "Not at all." He said that if I'm too aggressive, I run the risk of preventing my ankle from recovering fully from the surgery.

While I was there, I asked him whether he thought I should have my knee looked at by my knee doc. It's been giving me a lot of problems lately. It's painful, but the biggest issue is an increased feeling of instability. Also, my knee makes some new sounds when I bend it and straighten it. It's pretty loud when I'm going up and down stairs. It pops sometimes while I'm walking, which isn't usually painful, but it's uncomfortable. My doc took a look at it and said I should definitely follow up with my knee doc. I have an appointment to see the knee doc on the 7th. You know, in my spare time.

I think I'm starting to recover a little more quickly since that appointment (which was only a couple of weeks ago). I must have been at a plateau, and now I think I'm moving past that. It's a little more comfortable to walk with shoes, though I'm still walking really slowly and I've got a limp. It still hurts and I'm still taking pain meds regularly. My doc had said that it's probably going to hurt for a while yet, and I should listen to what my ankle's telling me. It still hurts more than it did before the surgery, but I'm finding that the pain is much more predictable than before. It's much easier to manage the pain when I know the routine - in the morning, I can't wear regular shoes until after my first pain med has kicked in. If I'm on my feet a lot, my ankle is going to hurt more. If my ankle hurts more than usual, it needs rest. etc.

Now that I'm making more progress as far as walking in shoes, I'm hoping I can start driving again soon. At this point, I've been unable to drive for longer than I was after the accident. I was on the road again four months after the accident, which is kind of incredible when I think about it. Now I'm four months out from the last surgery, and still waiting. If I were living in WI still I might be more eager to jump behind the wheel again. It's tricky here because traffic is so heavy, and if my ankle starts to cramp up while I'm stuck in traffic, my options for dealing with it are kind of limited. It helps that it's so easy to get around here by bus (as long as there's no snow in the forecast). I'm not so antsy to start driving again because I can already get pretty much everywhere I need to go. It will be nice, though, to be able to drive to physical therapy and back. I spend so much time busing there - from the time I leave my house for an appointment to the time I get home, it's usually about four hours. This quarter's schedule is going to be pretty busy, so it's going to be hard to squeeze in eight hours of PT and travel time per week.

Speaking of next quarter, it starts on Monday. That's too early. I wish I had another week of break so I can shake off the jet lag and get ready for teaching. I'm a little nervous about teaching, since this is my first quarter as a TA. I'll be teaching everyone's favorite class - sight-singing & dictation (or aural theory, if you're used to the UWEC lexicon, like me). It's exciting, but I also feel like I haven't had a lot of training or prep or anything. It's strange for a TA to begin teaching in the winter quarter, as opposed to the fall. I think everyone sort of assumes all the TAs know the drill already. There are some workshops and orientation sessions for new TAs in the beginning of the year that everyone conveniently forgot to tell me about. I seem to have fallen through the cracks since I'm starting in the winter. Oh well, I'm sure I'll catch on after the first week or so.

Anyway, break was nice. It was a little quiet, but I suppose that's a good respite from school. I went down to Illinois for the weekend to see the family, have jam sessions, and eat food (mmm, Chicago-style pizza). When I got back to WI, I spent the rest of the time hanging out at home and seeing people whenever I could. It was fun.

I guess that's about all. I got a Wii for Christmas, which is really awesome, so I'll probably get in touch with you other Wii users when I figure out the whole online thing. :)

i am more snowed in than i was previously

Last Thursday's "storm" here in Seattle wasn't such a big deal in terms of precipitation, but it made getting around the city really difficult. Saturday and Sunday's storms (notice the lack of quotation marks here) left us with probably 6" of snow on the ground, and it made getting around almost impossible. If you didn't have a car with 4wd and/or chains, you weren't going anywhere outside of walking/snowshoeing/cross-country skiing/sledding distance.

Thursday's "storm" may have caught us by surprise, but everyone was ready for this one. I went to the grocery store a block from my house to pick up some cleaning supplies on Saturday. The grocery store is a favorite of Microserfs, soccer moms, and foodies for whom money is no object. I frequent the store, despite being a poor grad student, because it's a block away. People normally come to this store to pick up just a few specialty ingredients for that night's dinner. When I went there on Saturday, I was surprised to see couples wandering around the store and filling multiple carts with a month's worth of groceries.

I had so much trouble getting out of my neighborhood after Thursday's "storm" that I knew getting to the airport yesterday was going to be quite the challenge. I had a gameplan: stay at a hotel Sunday night so I could take an airport shuttle to catch my 7 AM flight to Minneapolis. My only problem was getting to the hotel on Sunday. I called all the major cab companies - the ones who were open at all were not dispatching cars to my part of the city. The city suspended all bus routes that came even remotely close to my neighborhood. All of my friends with cars were either unable to get anywhere on the slippery roads or were out of town. I ended up calling a limo service to pick me up, and a lot of money later, I got to my hotel near the airport.

I had been compulsively checking the airport's website the night before I left to make sure my flight hadn't been canceled. The site suggested that everyone come at least two hours before their flight leaves, and to bring their own snacks because the airport stores were running out of everything. They also advised that everyone check their flight status before coming to the airport so they could try and limit the number of people who were stranded there by canceled flights. I checked the site again before I left the hotel at 4 AM, and my flight was still scheduled. By 4:30, I was in a mile-long line at the airport, and I learned my flight was canceled.

It's a pretty helpless feeling to be flying on your own, have your flight canceled, and to know that no airlines were going to fly out of there until at least 3 PM. I called Northwest while waiting for the ticketing counter to open. The nice woman I talked to rescheduled my flight, but the earliest flight she could find to Minneapolis was for the evening of Christmas. After scheduling that flight as a back-up, I called my parents to see if they could find an earlier flight online through a different airline. They were able to book me a flight for tonight, and helped me find another hotel for the night.

This hotel is much nicer than the one I was in Sunday night. I had a big suite, and I felt like it was sort of a waste to have all this room to myself. I called a couple of friends who had flights early this morning to see if they wanted to come stay here too. They did, along with their other roommate, and we had a blast. We went to the nearby mall and I found a swimming suit (in December!) to wear in the hotel's hot tub. We ate dinner out and then came back to the hotel to relax in the hot tub. We stayed up late chatting and having girly drinks. I'm bummed that I couldn't make it home yesterday, but it was really fun having a snowed-in slumber party.

I'm going to try the airport again in an hour or so. I hope the situation has improved since yesterday. I'm glad I got to get out of there after a few hours yesterday and get to a hotel. It was really sad seeing people who had changed their flights multiple times, all to no avail, and were wondering if they'd be home in time for Christmas. I hope the chaos is a little more under control now. It hasn't snowed since Sunday, and I'm guessing the airlines have received more de-icer after depleting their stock over the weekend. My friends who left this morning were able to get out, so I think I should be fine.

i am snowed in.

By two inches of snow.

After all my years of living in WI, I don't remember many times that I was truly snowed in - as in, unable to get anywhere. My school district was notorious for not calling snow days very often. I had jobs before I even had my license, so I always had places I needed to be. Thanks to vehicles with 4wd, I could usually get there. If I truly couldn't get up the hill in my parents' neighborhood, I could at least count on being able to get out the next day after everything had been plowed.

Over the past week, Seattle has been hit with two winter "storms." It snows a handful of times a winter here, but this time is unusual because we have precipitation. Usually the snow melts as soon as it hits the roads, and while we may have some precipitation on the grass, it melts the next day when the temperatures go up.

There are about two inches of precipitation in my neighborhood. The precip varies a lot in the nearby suburbs and even from neighborhood to neighborhood within the city. Seattle has some interesting weather patterns (usually variations on rain) because of its position near the ocean and between two mountain ranges. So while there isn't much snow here, I've heard there are about four or five inches of snow in West Seattle. For a city that's not used to precipitation, that's a lot of snow.

The problem isn't the snow, so much - it's that the snow keeps melting and re-freezing. This condition is common in WI, but the ice is sort of unusual here since it's not normally this cold. Seattle residents aren't used to snow and they definitely don't know anything about ice.

The bigger problem is the hills. I've never been to San Francisco, but I hear Seattle being compared to San Fran pretty often because of the hills. We have hills that stretch for blocks - and some of them are really, really steep. Even vehicles with 4wd and chains can't get up some of these hills. Some of the hills are especially tricky because they have a lot of traffic and some stoplights in the middle. The city has closed some hilly streets because people were having so many issues.

All of these problems have combined to make travel nearly impossible right now. That's not an exaggeration - everyone I talk to has some horror stories about trying to get around. Less than half of the city bus routes are operating right now. On Thursday, during the thick of the storm, lots of busy intersections got blocked by bendy buses that were stuck. Because of those problems, Metro has stopped using bendy buses on most routes. Some routes have been canceled, and nearly every route has been revised in some way. Normally taking a taxi would be an alternative to taking the bus, but even the taxi companies are closed. All of them. Some people are opting to drive, and I would too, but my ankle is still keeping me from driving.

For a city that depends heavily on buses, the cancellations and revisions of bus routes have been crippling. The city maintains a website with updated route information, but unfortunately, it's not always accurate. Despite checking that page before I left, I had three failed attempts over the past two days to get out of my neighborhood (one of those attempts involved walking to a bus stop ten blocks away - and walking the ten blocks home when I realized the bus wasn't going to come after all). I finally figured out that the bus six blocks uphill from my house is still using that stop. There is a bus stop a block from my house, but unfortunately the buses that use that stop have been canceled or re-routed.

I've found that the best way to get information on the revised routes is by word of mouth. I'm not the only one who had problems catching the bus - everyone I talked to today had horror stories about the bus routes. At every stop, people were volunteering whatever information they had on route revisions. The bus drivers were very helpful, and had a surprising amount of info on other route revisions. The buses were all packed, which is not surprising considering there were so few of them running. The bus drivers advised people to ignore the bus schedules, since nothing was running on time. Surprisingly, despite all the frustration, people were generally friendly today. All we could really do was shrug our shoulders and laugh about it.

It's easy for people to blame the bus system. I don't think that's really fair though. If the bus ran more routes, we would have more bendy buses getting stuck in intersections. I do wish Metro's website was more accurate, though. The department of transportation is also receiving a lot of blame for not keeping the roads clear. What people don't seem to realize is that the city just isn't prepared for snow like this. We have so many other pressing transportation needs, we simply don't have the money to buy and maintain more snow removal trucks and train people to use them. Seattle residents routinely underfund transportation and then complain about it.

I did finally get a bus downtown today. I wouldn't have left the house, but I was going stir-crazy from being stuck in the house for three days. I tried to go downtown for physical therapy yesterday morning and this morning, but as I said, those were failed attempts. I was disappointed that I couldn't get down there because I'm leaving town soon, so I won't be able to go to physical therapy again for a couple of weeks. After having so much trouble, I was determined to get out of the house, so I tried again, and successfully caught the bus at the top of the hill. I probably wouldn't have tried so hard, but I had to finish up my Christmas shopping.

While on the bus, I noticed we passed some horrified tourists who were taking a lot of photos. I turned to see what they were looking at, and saw two buses hanging over I-5. It was a scary sight - especially since buses freak me out anyway - but it put things in perspective. When dealing with buses, it's better to play it safe.





I took these photos from the bus I was riding. Luckily, nobody was seriously hurt. I'm still wondering why the bus driver decided to take that street. You can't tell from the photos, but the buses are at the bottom of a short, steep hill. There is a fork in the road at the bottom of the hill, and below the guardrail is an on-ramp to the interstate. It's a cobblestone road, and since it's not a major street, I'm sure the city hasn't spent much time trying to clear the ice.

Well, at least I got all my shopping done today. Unfortunately I had to do a lot of walking to and from revised bus routes, and I'm feeling it now. My ankle and heel are really sore. My knee, which has been giving me problems lately, is pretty swollen. Luckily I shouldn't need to go anywhere for the rest of the weekend, until I fly out on Monday. It's going to snow again tomorrow, so I'm prepared to stay put. After having so much trouble getting around today, I'm in no hurry to try it again tomorrow.

recommended reading

I recently picked up Learning to Breathe by a photojournalist named Alison Wright. While on assignment in Laos, she was riding on a bus that collided with a truck. Her injuries were quite severe, and in this book she writes about her recovery. I'm about halfway through. I thought it would be really hard for me to read this, and sometimes it is, but often I find myself laughing because I know exactly what she means. For instance, she talks about how talkative she was while on Percocet. I'm the same way. I think reading this has actually been a good experience for me so far. It reminds me how lucky I am, and it reminds me that I should make the most of every day I have. I might email her when I'm done reading the book, just to tell her my story, and to tell her how inspiring her story is to me.

My own recovery has been going okay, but I feel like I've slipped a little behind schedule. I use the term "schedule" loosely here, because I'm probably not the typical case. My ankle injuries were so extensive, it's no surprise my recovery is taking a little longer than expected. I was hoping I'd recover ahead of "schedule" since this isn't the first time I've had to recover from ankle surgery. I didn't realize my ankle would feel so differently after my doc pulled out a bunch of scar tissue. My ankle feels more unstable now, which makes sense since the scar tissue was sort of holding everything together. My ligaments probably aren't helping much - they were stretched when my foot was dislocated, and unfortunately ligaments don't really bounce back. I'll just have to work harder to build up all the little muscles that will make my ankle stable. I went for a short walk today without crutches or my aircast, which was a huge step (haha, no pun intended). Thanks to my ankle brace and my custom shoe insoles, my ankle wasn't going anywhere. It did feel a lot different than pre-surgery, though. I can tell that I have a lot more motion in the joint.

I'm getting ready to go to Jackson, WY for Thanksgiving to visit the family. Apparently it's going to take me three flights and over seven hours to get there. Luckily(?) I have lots of reading and writing to do, and I downloaded some good music to listen to - Steve Reich's Music for 18 Musicians, Björk's Gling-Gló, and an album by one of UW's faculty members - Cuong Vu's Come Play With Me. I should have plenty to do...

Other than school, I don't have a whole lot going on right now. I did go to a holiday party at the Space Needle over the weekend, though. It was pretty amazing.

Politics aside, I think it's awesome to be able to say that we will see the first black president take office. It's also pretty amazing to think that our parents' generation lived through the Civil Rights movement and have now seen a black man elected president. In one generation.

We tend to hear people of that generation say that they remember the exact moment they heard of JFK's assassination, or the moon landing, or Nixon's resignation. It's unfortunate that many of those "I-remember-where-I-was-when" moments tend to follow shocking, horrible events. Our generation has a few of those - Columbine, September 11th, Katrina. But now we have this memory: the election of a black man to the highest political office in the country.

I was sitting on my fouton, with Austin on one side of me and a cat on the other. I was sipping red wine, and at 8:00 we flipped over to NBC and saw the announcement, followed by the frenzied celebration in Chicago. I have never felt so much pride in my country.

Where were you?

I had a dream last night that G was still alive, and he was getting ready to retire. I was at Parents' Night, watching the last show that the Cardinals would do under G's direction. I sat in the crowded bleachers with proud parents and my fellow alumni. It was a nice sunny day, and the crowd was in a celebratory mood. I think the show was a patriotic theme (but that may have been due to the fact that I had this dream on the eve of election day). Everyone in the crowd waved little red and gold flags, and at the end of the show, a huge banner was hung from one of the goal posts, wishing G a happy retirement.

As a parting gift to his students and former students, G told everyone that we could each ask him one question. It could be about anything - we could ask about his career, or seek advice, or whatever. We were to write a question on a piece of paper, and he would answer us later via email. I remember writing down a question, folding the paper, and putting it in the box along with the other scraps of paper. I just wish I could remember what I wrote...

o hai

Well, I suppose I should update. I'm spending a quiet evening at home, trying to get over a pesky cold. I am on both painkillers and cold meds right now - that's my disclaimer in case anything in this entry doesn't make sense.

This font looks really big on the text editor.

Hmm, what have I been up to lately... Well, the end of summer was a bit of a blur. Dan & Tenley came to visit, and I showed them around town. I win at sight-seeing tours. We had two or three days - we went to Pike's Place market, the aquarium, REI, Gasworks Park (we had a picnic), UW, Brouwer's, the shipyard in Ballard, Mr. Spots Chai House (so they could get the Seattle coffee shop experience), Archie McPhee's, the Ballard locks, and some other places. I can't remember everything now. Oh, we also saw Bon Iver on Capitol hill and had a beer with Sean before hand. Then I got to "work" at the merch booth for a song while Ben sat in with the band. That show was really crazy... It was the Saturday night over Labor Day weekend and the show was sold out. That was a week or two before they played on Conan.

After the whirlwind tour of Seattle, my parents joined up with us and we all (my parents, Danley, Austin, & I) went up to Whistler to hang out at the Four Seasons for a few days. Wow, what a beautiful drive. I took some photos but they didn't really do it justice. Anyway, it was a very relaxing trip.

A few days after we got home from BC, I had my ankle surgery. That was just over five weeks ago, and I still can't put any weight on it. I have an appointment with my doc in two weeks, and if all goes well, he'll tell me I can start putting weight on it. It's kind of hard to tell right now how well this surgery went. Since I can't put weight on it yet, I don't know if walking will be less painful than it was before the surgery. My doc said it should feel improved, but because the initial damage was so extensive, it's never going to feel "normal". On the bright side, my range of motion is already way better than it was pre-surgery!

Hmm, what else has happened... Oh, my roomies and I moved into a house that's a bit closer to school. We really like this house... it has a nice, open floor plan and a big huge deck. We even have a fenced-in back yard. When the weather is nice, the cats get to go play in the yard. Come visit!

Oh, and I just started year two of grad school. We start late here because we're on the quarter system. I've decided that the master's is a weird degree because it's only two years. Year one is like: here's grad school, write some papers. Year two: start contributing to the field, write a thesis. The thesis requirement here is a little different than at most other schools - instead of writing one thesis paper, we write three separate papers, each on a different topic. I think this method has its ups and downs... On one hand, I have to research, write about, and defend three separate topics. On the other hand, I won't have to do research on a single topic until I hate it.

Getting to and from school has been a bit of a challenge. According to the almighty Google, my bus stop is over half a mile away from the music building. I could take a second bus over to campus, but that seems like kind of a waste of time. I've been crutching that distance, carrying my school bag, several times a week. I'm going to get so buff. It's already getting easier, but it sucks when it's raining harder than the typical Seattle drizzle.

Well, I guess that's about it...

some news and lots of photos

I suppose it's about time for an update.

Life is good here, fairly slow, but I'm enjoying that while it lasts. I'm getting ready to move again, which is a pain in the butt. My roomies and I were going to stay here, but some stuff changed, so now we're probably just going to move. Oh well, maybe we'll end up in a more "happening" neighborhood. My current neighborhood is sweet, but it's got a very suburban feel, and I think we're all ready to be a little closer to everything. And it might be nice to have neighbors who aren't all 15 years older than us.

August will probably be pretty busy. I have three weddings to shoot, then I'm coming home for a bit, and then when I get back here I'll probably be getting ready to move. My family is coming to visit over Labor Day weekend. We're going to take a short trip up to Whistler (where the next winter Olympics are going to be held). I've actually never been to Canada, and Whistler is supposed to be pretty cool, so I'm excited for that. Then I'll be back in Seattle for a few days to unpack, and then I'm probably going to have ankle surgery. Oh, and sometime in there, Bon Iver is playing a show on Capitol Hill. Sweet.

So, surgery... After a few recent consultations with my doc, and spending a lot of time thinking about it, I'm going to have ankle surgery sometime soon. It's not scheduled yet, but I'm hoping for the first week of September. This is going to be a huge surgery, but if all goes as planned, it could be a big improvement. Basically, my doc is going to pack a bone graft into the hole/cyst/whatever in my ankle. He has to break a bone in order to get to the joint. I'll be in the hospital for couple of days. Blah. And then there's a super long recovery period. But if that's what it takes, then I'll deal with it. It still hurts constantly - to the point where I'm having trouble sleeping - so I think surgery is the logical next step.

In the meantime I'm trying to get out and enjoy the summer while it lasts. It seems like there are festivals of some sort going on every weekend here. A couple of weeks ago I went to Bite of Seattle at Seattle Center (where the Space Needle is) for some overpriced food and wine samples. Yesterday I went to a seafood festival for overpriced seafood. It was cool though because my friends and I wandered down to the shipyard where a bunch of the boats from Deadliest Catch are docked. Here are some photos (the first is a portable Pike's Place Market at Bite of Seattle; the rest are from yesterday):









As long as I'm posting photos, here are some others from a few weeks ago. I busted out my poor, neglected film camera to try out a technique called cross processing. It was the first time I'd done it, and I was happy with the results.














okbye.

summer break

Wow, I finally have some on my hands (maybe a little too much time), so I may as well update.

Year 1 is over. It totally flew by, probably because I'm on the quarter system. Each quarter is ten weeks long, so we do three terms in the length of two semesters (and take summer quarter off). I like that time goes by faster, but when it gets to the end of the term, I always wish I had more time to write papers. I think ten weeks just isn't enough time to do justice to topics like African rhythms or Bartok's Sonata for Two Pianos and Percussion. Oh well, I guess that's what theses and dissertations are for.

My impression of grad school so far: lots of reading, lots of waxing intellectual (or not) over rounds of beer, lots of writing papers. And lots of stupid jokes that nobody outside the field would understand. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Lots has happened over the past year, and I've changed a lot. I think I'll leave it at that.

Next year should be pretty cool. I'm living with a couple of roommates now, which is more fun, and my rent is much cheaper. Also, I'm in a WAY nicer neighborhood (no more crazies) and I'm a lot closer to school and everything else. I got a TA-ship for next year - only for one quarter, but that's better than no quarters. I'm excited to teach.

Now I'm in summer mode, which is strange. I've never spent a summer away from home. That makes it sound like I'm lonely, but that's not the case. I love it here - there are plenty of things to do, and I've got some good friends here. If the weather would just cooperate, it would be really nice. The only thing that kind of sucks right now is that I need to get a second job or something, because I feel kind of like a lazy bum.

Speaking of jobs, I just got one! I'll be working with a wedding photography studio. I'm not actually employed by the studio - their photographers all work on a contract basis. So it's like working gigs, not a regular job. That suits me just fine. I have five weddings lined up so far this summer. I did a test shoot with them (so I basically shadowed a couple of their photographers) and it was so much fun. Everyone is always so happy at weddings. The only thing I'm worried about is how my ankle will hold up. Wedding photography = lots of time spent on your feet. You can't really take regular breaks because you might miss something. I'll always be working with one or two other photographers, and I think I'll just have to tell them that I need to sit every now and then and take a break. It's embarrassing in this field to need to take time out, and I'm hoping I don't get harangued by any bridezillas for not taking photos 100% of the time I'm there. But in the end it's my paycheck, and I'm not the only photographer there, so I'm just going to have to take some breaks if I'm feeling too sore.

Speaking of my ankle, it looks like I won't be having surgery this summer after all. I went to the ankle doc today because my cortisone injection wore off. Did I mention I had another injection? I don't remember. Okay let me back up. I've been going to the doc fairly regularly since February or so because my ankle pain suddenly got a lot worse. He's had me trying lots of things - anti-inflammatories (which irritate my stomach so I had to give them up), an ankle brace, custom insoles, a cortisone injection, etc. I had a cortisone injection previously (maybe November) in the joint between my heel and my ankle bone. I didn't feel any difference from that one. So a couple of months ago my doc gave me another injection, this one in the joint between my ankle bone and shin bone. I told him I just needed something to get me through spring quarter, since I would be on my feet a lot playing percussion. This time the injection seemed to do the trick - it was far from perfect, but I could stand long enough to do what I needed to do.

So anyway, the injection wore off, which they have a tendency to do after a couple of months or so. I went back to see him today, and he said the clinic will do injections no more than three times a year, since they can be damaging to ligaments and cartilage. I have to wait a couple more months before I can have another. In the meantime, he told me there's nothing I can really do since we've already tried everything. He said that if he did surgery, it would make that joint feel better, and I would basically feel the way I did after the injection. Other parts of the ankle will still hurt, but most of the pain from that joint should go away for a while. The problem is that it's a huge surgery with a very long recovery time. He told me that for three months I wouldn't be able to drive, and I probably wouldn't feel up to doing anything other than basic daily activities. It would probably take me a year to fully recover. He said that since I'm relatively active now (though not nearly as active as I would like to be!), I should wait until the recovery period doesn't sound any worse than what I'm already experiencing.

It's nice to hear that surgery would probably make me feel better, but it's disheartening to know that I just have to wait until I'm completely miserable with pain. It's hard to accept that the joint probably isn't going to feel any better until I can get another injection in two months, and that probably won't last very long. It's also frustrating because I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I'm only 25, and there are so many things I can't do because of my ankle. Or I can do things, but then I can't walk the next day because I'm too stiff and sore. It could be worse, but I would love to just be able to go for a run or something. Or take wedding photos and not worry about anything other than taking the best photos I can.

Anyway, before this turns into a Debbie Downer post, I'll switch topics. If you've read any of my recent posts, you've probably seen something about the marimba piece "Tribeca Sunflower" that I was working on. It was written by Julie Spencer (who is very cool - check her out). There are two versions: a solo (which I performed in April) and a quartet (which I performed a couple of weeks ago with some of my fellow UW Percussion Ensemble members). The quartet version basically uses the solo part as the backbone, and the other marimbas have melodies and solos over it. Here's the recording from our concert:



P.S. let me know if that works - Ubuntu is telling me I need to download the plugin. I'll do it later...

quick update

I'm still here. Here's what's going on in my life, if anyone is interested:

- Moving this weekend (from a not-so-okay neighborhood to a nice, quiet area with a view of the Cascades)
- Percussion ensemble concert on Tuesday - I'm performing "Tribeca Sunflower" with my quartet, and a bunch of other stuff. I'm really excited for this concert.
- Presentation in cerealism class on Wednesday
- Cerealism paper is due next Friday - I'm (going to be) analyzing a Charles Wuorinen piece. It's a set of variations for bassoon, harp, and tympani. 12-tone row on tympani = best thing ever.
- Paper due for Bartok seminar... uh... sometime. I'm basically doing a critique of an analysis of the first movement of the Sonata for Two Pianos and Percussion.
- Hard drive (?) is dying. I hope it lives for two more weeks.
- Summer! ...sometime.

I'll be home for a couple weeks or so in August. Until then, I'll be enjoying summer here, where it's 75 degrees and sunny every day. No, it doesn't rain all the time - just all those times that aren't summer.

:)

cherry trees!

It stopped raining long enough yesterday for me to go to campus and take some photos. These were taken on the Liberal Arts Quad. The music and art buildings are part of the Quad, along with a bunch of other buildings. I think it's kind of funny that the cherry trees bloom during spring break, when the only people around are tourists. And me, I guess.

As always, click for biggies...

The pic below is (obviously) not a cherry tree. I don't know what kind of tree it is, but they're all over campus and they smell good.



I'm going to see Bon Iver tonight! Yay!

oh my god, free time

Wow, okay, that quarter is over. The past few weeks have been insane. I actually don't remember much from that period of time - it was all a blur of caffeine, painkillers, and homework. I had to do short presentations in three of my classes during the last week of school, and then there were the two papers and the project that needed to be done. Somehow I wrote both 15-page papers in a week. Remind me to not take that many credits ever again. I really liked my classes, but... there were just too many of them.

I think the worst part about the end of the quarter was that my ankle started acting up. It started bothering me more than usual, and continued to get worse every day. I have been taking painkillers much more often than usual. It's hard to concentrate on school work when I'm on painkillers, but it's harder to concentrate when I'm in pain. I finally decided it would be worth finding time to go to the ankle doc. He gave me an ankle brace and told me to call him if I wasn't feeling better in a week. The brace actually seemed to make it worse, so I called back and my doc put me on arthritis meds. The meds seem to be helping a bit, but it's still feeling pretty bad in general. I have to wait until late June/early July for the surgery. This quarter is going to be tough because I'll be playing lots of percussion, so I'll be on my feet a lot. Whatever....

Other than being overwhelmingly busy and having lots of ankle issues, I've actually been really happy lately. The weather is pretty nice, though Seattlites are all complaining about the "cold" (45-50 degree) weather. People here complain about the weather whenever it's not 75 degrees and sunny. Maybe they shouldn't have decided to live in Seattle. Or they should leave after the summer. Is it sad that I just realized that was a tangent, and wondered if I should put it in a footnote? Okay, anyway... The weather's nice, the cherry trees are just starting to blossom (expect pictures soon), and there are tourists everywhere. I went down to the market today, and it definitely had a different vibe than in the winter. Everyone was very upbeat. Probably because it wasn't raining.

I'm really excited because one of my friends from high school just moved here, and one of my friends from college will be visiting here briefly next week. Yay!

Well, I guess that's about it. You'd think I would have more to say after a month of no posts, but apparently not.

Edit: Okay, here are a couple photos from yesterday, the first day of spring. I went to the arboretum and only had a chance to snap a few photos before it started raining/hailing.

things i forgot to mention

- I have "Tribeca Sunflower" memorized! I don't even know how I found the time to do it, but yeah, I made it past that roadblock.

- I saw the U-Dub orchestra play the Mahler 1 with the Seattle Symphony over the weekend. It was really good, but if we had that many UWEC players on stage, it would have been twice as loud. ;)

- The display on my exercise bike doesn't work anymore. Apparently I wore it out. Sad...